“If only I could go to sleep forever.”
“I want to die.”
“I wish I’d never been born.”
Do you ever have thoughts like these, and you do not want to kill yourself? Many people do. They want their life to end, but they don’t want to end their life.
If you’re one of those people, you probably don’t think of yourself as suicidal. It might surprise you to know that, in clinical parlance, such thoughts are considered to be “passive” suicidal ideation.
What is Suicidality?
Technically speaking, the term “passive suicidal thoughts” is an oxymoron. The very meaning of suicide is the intentional act of killing oneself. How can someone be suicidal if they don’t want to die by suicide?
That’s where “passive” comes in. People with passive suicidal thoughts don’t want to do anything to make themselves die. They wish it would just happen.
Suicidality – that is, suicidal thoughts or behavior – exists on a spectrum. At one end are people who wish they weren’t alive anymore but also don’t think of suicide. At the other end of the spectrum are people with extremely high intent to end their life now, or maybe they’ve even just made a suicide attempt.
At points in between are different gradations of suicidality. Some people think of killing themselves but quickly reject the idea. Some want to die by suicide and make a plan but don’t intend to carry it out. Some want, plan, and intend to die by suicide but not any time soon. Those are just a few possibilities.
The Dangers of Passive Suicidal Thoughts
Research indicates that people with passive vs. active suicidal thoughts are at equal risk for attempting suicide. We don’t know why, but it’s reasonable to hypothesize that passive suicidal thoughts can swiftly change from “I want to be dead” to “I want to kill myself.”
It’s also possible (though this hasn’t been researched specifically) that risk factors for passive suicidal thoughts are similar to risk factors for suicide itself. These risk factors might include mental or physical pain, hopelessness, illness, stress, loss, trauma, poverty, unemployment, relationship problems, isolation, substance abuse or addiction, sleep disturbance, and more.
In short, people who wish they were dead share something important with people who want to kill themselves: Both groups want their pain or problems to end.
Passive suicidality can lead people to put themselves in danger. For example, they might not wear a seatbelt or drive carefully. They might use too many drugs or drink too much or pick fights with strangers. They’re not trying to kill themselves (at least, not consciously), but they also don’t care if they get killed.
So, if you have passive suicidal thoughts, please take good care of yourself. You may be at higher risk than average for death. I realize that if you want to die, you might welcome such news. But please, recognize the wish for death as a symptom of something in your life, or inside of you, that needs healing. Healing, not killing.
How to Get Help
Please, talk with somebody about how you’re feeling. Sharing your thoughts with a trusted friend, family member, teacher, doctor, minister or other person (or people) serves two purposes: One, they can try to help you. Two, you may not feel so alone.
The resources that I list here are available to all people in distress, whether or not they think explicitly of suicide: hotlines, crisis text lines, online chat, and more.
Therapy can address why you want to die, and how to feel better. If therapy is out of reach for you financially, take a look at the post, “12 Ways to Get Therapy if You Can’t Afford It.” You also might want to see a doctor to make sure there’s no physical condition, like depression or a thyroid problem, that’s triggering thoughts of death.
A safety plan is helpful, too, in case your desire for death morphs into fantasizing about, or making plans to, kill yourself. A safety plan lays out the steps you can take to cope, get help, and stay safe if suicidal thoughts put you in danger. You can find a form for completing a safety plan here.
People who want to be dead often feel hopeless. Consider filling up a hope box (physical or virtual) with reminders of the people, places, hopes, and possibilities that make life worth living.
In any case, I hope you will get help. Even if you don’t want to take action to end your life, the important thing is that you’re hurting or otherwise unhappy. There are many things you can try to feel better, heal, and actually like being alive.
Copyright 2020 by Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW. Written for SpeakingOfSuicide.. All Rights Reserved.
i dont fear death i looking forward to it the sooner the better i am ready i long for the grim reaper to hurry
I don’t know how to put my thoughts but when ever I see a car I want to jump in front of it when i see a water bucket I want to put my head in that. I wish to disappear from here.
I was studying and I found in all my laptop and book there was all written can i sleep and never wake up shall i die.
I am afraid or I am just a loser who can’t do anything. not good at study not good at anything may be it will be very good if I just disappeared at last my parent’s will be sad for a day and then they will also forget and think it is good she die now there is only their Son who they love care.
I am just a nosy don’t listen to me just ignore me like everyone does.
Aw, I’m not sure if it was meant to, but the last line made me smile.
I promise you, your parents would never get over it if anything happened to you. And you may not think you’re good at anything, but there is something in life that you need to do, and that only you can do. You just haven’t found it yet.
it may be possible but from what I see in my house after my mom got in accident one year ago. there is nothing happen to her she is fit and fine. but after that accident I am just the person who cook for them 2 time’s wash cloth’s wash dishes. etc, because of that I can’t even force on my college last year and a failed it for 2 years i don’t know but after listening to them. even if they didn’t say directly anyone can feel I am nothing but more then a mistake for them
Hi Kit, Sorry, i didn’t see your reply till now cos it’s a strange system on this site.
It sounds like your parents are taking you for granted but believe me – as a parent – I don’t think any parent can do that. Sometimes people just aren’t good at showing it.
I don’t believe there is such a thing as a loser. Or, put another way, we’re all losers. Either way you want to look at it, we’re all in the same boat. It’s just some people are better at making it look good.
I feel like this most of the time my mind seems to be all over the place.
Hi I’m so lost in life feel so alone and unwanted for so long I broke up from my partner new years day after 13 years she went out and never came home and had cut me off all together absolutely broken me I sit in my bedroom everyday I have to force my self to go to work then spend all week end in this bedroom I just feel dead inside and don’t want to feel all this pain and hurt anymore just sleep and fade away
That is shocking, so hurtful and damaging. I’m sorry for your pain.
How do you think she feels you broke up with her. If she cut you off than she must have been devastated. I’m sorry for both of you.
17.3 I think you’re misinterpreting, I think the OP means that his partner leaving is the form that the breakup took – not that he broke up with her, then she left. That’s how I read it anyway.
I dont know what I want I feel like I am very selfish I have a good life. I have friends and my family even someone I can call my love now but yet this thoughts seem to be stuck with me. I dont deserve her.
I cant do anything right. I have been told by whole family that I should die. I don’t blame them. Ofcourse they will not put up with me. I hope I sleep today and just dont wake up all these feelings are too much for me to handle. I want my family to be happy. My brother had hopes for me but I shattered them same with my parents. I was a mistake It would have been a perfect family but then there was me. I hope to not wake up so everything ends well.
I want to die because I feel my time is done. My children are happy. healthy and in loving relationships. My partner died 2 years ago. I have accepted this. I have no health issues or financial problems. I am lucky, but I’ve had enough
Reading your comment iz almost reading my lyfe story. Partner passed 4yrz & i literally lost all purpose