When you come to me for help, I want to help you.
I hope you will let me.
I cannot know your secrets without your words.
I hope you will tell me.
Tell me, please, your thoughts of suicide.
You might feel scared to tell me
When I ask if you are thinking of suicide.
I will try to help you feel safe.
I will not judge you.
I will not interrogate you.
I will not panic.
I will listen gently as you tell your story
In your own words, in your own way.
Suicide might tell you not to tell me.
Suicide might tell you I am your enemy.
Suicide lies.
Suicide might tell you that nobody could possibly help you,
That dying is the only way to end your pain.
Suicide might even tell you that you are a bad person
Defective, undeserving of life
Or love, or hope, or compassion.
Please, tell me.
I cannot help you fight the enemy
If you do not tell me about the enemy,
The enemy that is trying to kill you.
Do not trust your suicidal thoughts.
They are not rational.
They are a symptom, a sign, a cry from inside.
Something inside you needs healing.
Healing, not killing.
Tell me, please, what suicide tells you.
Does it tell you everything that is wrong with your life?
Everything that is wrong with you?
Suicide plays tricks with truth,
Telling only the truths that make you want to die
Hiding the truths that make you want to live.
The pieces of hope.
The pathways to healing.
The possible.
Tell me, please.
Or tell somebody else.
I am only one of many people who can help you.
But nobody can help you if you tell nobody.
Thank you.
One day you will thank you, too.
For telling.
For surviving.
***
© Copyright 2014 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Written for www.speakingofsuicide.com. Photos purchased from Fotolia.com.
Hi, anyone who reads this, I hope you continue reading until the end. I desperately need someone to hear me and tell me what I should do. I will try to keep my problem as short as possible. If anyone wants more details or proof of what I’m saying, please message me.
I am a girl from Syria, from a strict Muslim family. In 2012, we sought refuge in Egypt. I was a small child at the time, and our financial situation has been difficult since then. Only basic food is available for my daily needs, but that is not my main problem.
The problem is that after I grew up, I became an atheist, and I cannot tell anyone — not my friends nor my family. If I do, I will be exposed to the worst kinds of physical abuse and humiliation. I am forced to pretend that I am Muslim. I am forced to wear the hijab, to fast, and to pray. I have no freedom of any kind. I am not allowed to leave the house, not allowed to work, not allowed to wear what I want.
On top of all that, I am insulted at home. My father and mother treat me like I am the house servant. I cannot ask them for my needs. I cannot ask for money or anything at all. Literally, I only eat food. Even internet access is barely available to me. Sometimes I am physically beaten.
I have thought of many ways to escape the reality I am living in. I contacted many human rights organizations, but none of them helped me. I lost hope and gave up. I thought about running away from home, working inside Egypt, and finding a place to stay. But I have no money, and my refugee residency in Egypt has expired, which means if I run away, I cannot legally rent a place or work without residency. My family refuses to renew it and now wants to return to Syria despite my complete refusal. They want to force me.
If I return to Syria, the situation will become even worse for me. Their family in Syria is even more strict and will not allow me even the smallest kind of freedom.
My psychological state is very bad. I tried to commit suicide many times, but no method worked. I don’t have any way that relieves me. I wish there were an easy way to end my life easily. I can prove everything I said. If there is anyone who can help me or even tell me what I should do, I would be grateful for the rest of my life. I only want humanitarian help.
Lily,
I’m really sorry you’re living under such painful and frightening circumstances. No one deserves to be abused or forced into silence about who they are. I’m not able to provide counseling or direct assistance through this website, but I do want you to know that your life matters and you deserve support. Please try to reach out to a crisis or support service where someone can talk with you directly. I list various resources here: http://www.SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
Thank you for sharing here, and I hope things get better for you soon.
I’m only seventeen, eighteen in a few months. Yesterday I felt so happy, for the first time in a the last few month I was able to talk with someone even if it was online, they even called me a friend in the end, but today I was reminded of the reality. I know that in the eyes of the majority of people my life hadn’t even began, but I just don’t know how many more times I will be able to distract myself, how many more times will I tell myself that I will get better in few days. I just want to give up, because doing anything else only brings me pain, no matter how much I try as I become older my life becomes only harder and more painful. I just fall asleep and dream endlessly, it’s not like my life right now is any different considering that the only way I can motivate myself to continue trying is through fiction and fantasy, but lately even dreams bring my pain, it feels like I’m dangling a key to a happier me in front of my eyes, but if I stop doing it I know I will stop trying at all.
Anonymous,
The pain and lack of motivation you describe above might well be symptoms of a larger problem, such as depression. Of course, I can’t know that or diagnose you from a comment, but I hope you will talk with your doctor or another professional about your thoughts and feelings. I remember when I was depressed in my 20s, I thought it was a fact of life, unchangeable. It astonished me to realize there were things that could help. I hope you will find what helps you, whatever it is that accounts for your deep malaise. You can also call, email, text, or chat with someone at one of the resources listed here.
Thanks for sharing here!
I have been in a pain for a long time about everything,I have so much presures on my head,Thank you for sharing this
Anonymous,
And thank you for sharing your feedback. I’m sorry about the pain and pressures you’re experiencing. I hope things get better for you soon. You can also check out these Resources for places to talk with someone by phone, chat, email, or text.
Thank you for such impactful words. So meaningful.
Thank you for sharing this.
Pushpendra Pandya,
You’re most welcome. Thanks for letting me know you appreciated it. 🙂
I feel like God has dropped to much stuff on me to handle. And I have wanted to be dead many times, but now it feels stronger. I have no worth, no purpose, no confidence, no real reason to exist. I lack everything
Keep fighting! Don’t let the demons win!! Reach out to someone, anyone, that can help you. It’s ok not to be ok, but it’s also ok to admit it!! Stay strong. You may not realize it, but you mean something to someone, and they want you to keep fighting