Many people desperately wish to stop their suicidal thoughts. Often, this is possible. You might be able to eliminate suicidal thoughts by healing the depression, stress, hopelessness, self-hatred or whatever forces underlie them.
Yet it might take a while to stop thinking of suicide. For some people, suicidal thoughts just do not stop, or they keep revisiting uninvited whenever bad moods come, no matter how much healing has occurred during good moods.
Fundamentally, we cannot control what thoughts come to us. We can only control how we react to them.
How Do You React to Suicidal Thoughts?
Do you react as though your suicidal thoughts are truth? Because they tell you that you should die, do you believe that you should die?
Do you react as though your suicidal thoughts are a symptom, and nothing else? Because you think of suicide, do you take this as a call to tend to whatever wound creates the thoughts?
I have already written about other ways to react to suicidal thoughts, as well. You can talk back to them, playing the role of defense attorney against the prosecutor in your head calling for the death penalty (as described by David Burns, M.D., in his book Feeling Good).
You can observe your suicidal thoughts mindfully, watching as they pass through your head without feeding them or giving into them.
Another way to react to suicidal thoughts is to soothe yourself by telling yourself what you might tell a close friend or relative in the same situation. Only, this time, you are being a friend to yourself. This coping technique calls for what therapists call “coping statements.”
What Are Coping Statements for Suicidal Thoughts?
A coping statement is whatever you can tell yourself that will help you to pass safely through the minefield of suicidal thoughts. Examples include:
This will pass.
That is my depression talking, not me.
I will get through this.
Just because my thoughts tell me to kill myself doesn’t mean I really should.
I don’t really want to die, I just want the pain to end.
There are other ways to end my pain, even if I can’t see them right now.
My suicidal thoughts are not rational.
Suicidal thoughts are a symptom, not a solution.
Using Coping Statements for Suicidal Thoughts
There is no limit to the possible coping statements out there. Some websites feature long lists of coping statements, such as this mental health website . You can also find coping statements geared to specific problems, such as anxiety.
The key to using coping statements effectively is to keep repeating them to yourself (silently or not), like a mantra. Some people write their coping statements on sticky notes and leave them on mirrors and doors where they live. Others create “coping cards” with one coping statement or a whole list, and carry them in their wallet.
Repeatedly seeing, saying, or thinking your coping statements will provide a good counterpoint to suicide’s grim yet seductive messages. It also will gradually train your mind to take a more realistic path.
A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Tool
“What you think, you become,” is a powerful statement often misattributed to the Buddha but no less true, regardless of who said it.
Cognitive behavioral therapy operates under the same premise: If you tell yourself the worst will happen, then you will feel anxious and depressed. Tell yourself different things, and you will feel differently. These ideas reinforce the value of talking to yourself with kindness and with intentions to soothe yourself.
Beware of positive thinking or positive affirmations. If you are grossly unhappy with yourself or your life, telling yourself that you are happy will only further rouse the negative thoughts. “No you’re not happy! That’s ridiculous! You are miserable, and here is why.”
Rather than telling yourself that you are happy when you actually are miserable or that your life is great when it actually feels awful, it is far more helpful to tell yourself something that you really can believe, such as:
I can’t know that I will feel this way forever.
Based on past experiences, my feelings and situation will probably change.
Life is constantly changing.
I am a work in progress.
Unrealistically positive thinking can hurt. Realistic thinking can help, even when reality isn’t so great. But remember to think realistically in both directions — good and bad.
Coming Up With Your Own Coping Statements for Suicidal Thoughts
Although I have thrown out some ideas here, coping statements work best if they really resonate with you. Perhaps some of the coping statements on this page or the websites I provided above do resonate with you. If so, that’s great. If not, try to come up with your own. To do this, ask yourself these questions:
<h3″>What do I really want someone else to tell me right now?
What would I tell someone else right now who wanted to die by suicide for the same reasons that I do?
What would it help me to tell myself?
What would it help me to truly believe?
What Self-Talk Helps You Cope with Suicidal Thoughts?
I invite you to leave a comment describing what coping statements work best for you!
© 2014 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Written for Speaking of Suicide. Photos purchased from Fotolia.com
Life can change like the weather. Let’s not miss the sun shine.
I overdosed last week. I’m still here. I wake up in a bad mood everyday because I’m alive. I then cry and picture my family and leaving my husband and kids to deal with my death. I just cry now. I don’t know what to do sometimes. I feel as if I am just a person in everyone’s way. I can’t dig myself out.
I know how you feel and feel the same but remember your kids. They matter more than how we feel and not only would it ruin their lives it also increases the possibility that they will also attempt suicide. Do what it takes to hold on- even if it’s just finishing the dishes or making it through work today – one goal a day big or small. For them.
I hope you’re still here, May!
I deal with suicidal thoughts and the horrible guilt that comes with the other side of the coin: the unspeakable, life long pain and loss that I would be imposing on the few who do love me if I were to murder myself.
Yeah, I know … how can you murder someone who is already “dead” inside? Well, your family doesn’t see you that way, especially your kids. Our loved ones forgive our faults, but somehow we can’t ….
So, my question to you is, Why would you ever put your children in the same situation that you are in now? They don’t deserve to have the endless pain and repeating thoughts of blame and worthlessness that you and I have now. They deserve a chance. They deserve to know that you fought for them; that they are worth sticking around for, no matter how much it hurts.
And also, realize that when you’ve been clean and sober for a while, you’ll be able to think much more clearly about these things. This isn’t a decision that should be made while in the throes of addiction. Addiction lies to people. Don’t believe those lies!
Don’t believe that you are “inherently flawed” and doomed to live a life of addiction and pain, either … there ARE cures and you CAN do it. Talk to those who have been where you want to go.
Don’t give up on yourself – it’s not your fault that this happened to you, but it’s up to you to do something about it!
I love you !
It will get better if you let it.
Take care of yourself, even if that means going away for a while … better a short vacation than a permanent one.
God bless you and your family!
Carl, I’m doing the TMS right now, only the third treatment today. I battle suicidal thoughts throughout the day. I don’t want to do it, so I talk back. I live in fear and am hoping to have ECT once again. It takes away those thoughts.
I picture how it would be if I did commit suicide, then see in my mind’s eye how bad that would be.
Not today!!