When you come to me for help, I want to help you.
I hope you will let me.
I cannot know your secrets without your words.
I hope you will tell me.
Tell me, please, your thoughts of suicide.
You might feel scared to tell me
When I ask if you are thinking of suicide.
I will try to help you feel safe.
I will not judge you.
I will not interrogate you.
I will not panic.
I will listen gently as you tell your story
In your own words, in your own way.
Suicide might tell you not to tell me.
Suicide might tell you I am your enemy.
Suicide lies.
Suicide might tell you that nobody could possibly help you,
That dying is the only way to end your pain.
Suicide might even tell you that you are a bad person
Defective, undeserving of life
Or love, or hope, or compassion.
Please, tell me.
I cannot help you fight the enemy
If you do not tell me about the enemy,
The enemy that is trying to kill you.
Do not trust your suicidal thoughts.
They are not rational.
They are a symptom, a sign, a cry from inside.
Something inside you needs healing.
Healing, not killing.
Tell me, please, what suicide tells you.
Does it tell you everything that is wrong with your life?
Everything that is wrong with you?
Suicide plays tricks with truth,
Telling only the truths that make you want to die
Hiding the truths that make you want to live.
The pieces of hope.
The pathways to healing.
The possible.
Tell me, please.
Or tell somebody else.
I am only one of many people who can help you.
But nobody can help you if you tell nobody.
Thank you.
One day you will thank you, too.
For telling.
For surviving.
***
© Copyright 2014 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Written for www.speakingofsuicide.com. Photos purchased from Fotolia.com.
Talking will not help my family refuse to take me to therapist i didn’t tell them i’m a suicidal person i told them that i need one that i’m suffering something they tell me i don’t and if i tried to tell them my problem they would laugh and say that what we all thought something like that when we were 17 maybe cause i always make them laugh i always act like i am so happy that i might float .. that they just can’t believe that i will get depressed .
Even though they are not against seeing therapist we have some people who go to one.
i’ve always thought of suicide
Since i was kid my life wasn’t perfect but two years ago i suffered a break down no body took me seriously but i hated myself and the world i’m living in that some nights i had to keep remind myself that i will go to hell if i kill myself just to get through the night..
I had a therapist myself and i solved the main problem and that saved me for two years but i didn’t stop hating myself or get me full recover from what i suffered yesterday i was about to kill myself but my family finally get the idea and i kept telling them i will never hurt myself but my mom started crying while i told her that i’m rotten.
I’ve told multiple people that I am suicidal. None of them took me seriously or maybe they just didn’t know what to say; I don’t know. My family thinks I’m doing better. I’m not. Everyday I wish to get hit by a car, or be murdered, or anything. I don’t see a point in any of this. I’m alive, but not many people even notice. I don’t feel very alive anyways. I feel like a background character in my own life. I feel like I am constantly waiting for something to happen that will never come. I feel like there’s nothing really to look forward to or live for. Just working in some tiresome job your whole life away until you die, numb and invisible.
So I was on this page because I have a friend thats suicidal and I found out on accident. I wasn’t supposed to know and they don’t know I know. But they recently sent another friend of mine a goodbye text and attempted suicide. Luckily their brother stopped them. I’m really scared and don’t know what to do to help. Especially cuz I’m not really supposed to know. What do I do?
Have an open, honest conversation with them. I attempted suicide over 10 years ago. No one was there to stop me and no one even noticed. I swallowed a bottle of pills and slept for three days. At 16, my family didn’t even notice my absence. For your friend, go to them. Tell them that you see them, that you acknowledge their pain, and tell them you are there no matter what. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t supposed to know. Be the loving support they need.
My birthday was yesterday. No cards, one text. My therapist is the only one to acknowledge it, outside of the one text. Empty mailbox, not even junk mail. I’m 65. You may think that’s old, but I’ve been sober 35 years and feel 35. I have social anxiety badly and don’t fit into the aa here~~~I’m a outsider. I don’t go to meetings. Why am I alive? I had to detach from an abusive narcissistic brother this year and from a bully cousin. They’re long distance. Not one single local friend, not one. Why am I alive? No, these problems haven’t gone away as every article says. They’ve stayed. Social anxiety steals life. Why am I alive? I have one reason only. I have a dog who has known nothing but love and gentleness the 5 years I’ve had her. She came from abuse. I recently made a pact with myself to massage her, comb her hair, brush her teeth daily, and take long walks, I’ve never been impatient with her. She deserves my best, always. She’s my only reason to live. I have a set up for her if anything happens to me. What if something happens to her? She’s my ONLY reason for living. Today, I feel like she would be okay if I weren’t here. Today I don’t feel a reason to be alive.
Happy belated Birthday!!
Social anxiety isn’t fun. Have you been to counselling? If not, I strongly recommend it. Walking through the door the first time will be the hardest and bravest thing you will ever do, but if you find the right therapist it will make a world of difference.
Also, check out the website “The Mighty” – lots of information on a variety of physical and mental illnesses and a whole community to support you. You will find you’re not alone and will find people going through the same things you are. It’s definitely worth checking out. Maybe there you will find someone that will give you reason to keep fighting!!! Please keep fighting, you’re worth it!!!
Im in the same boat. I have a dog that found me in college, on my last year. He has been my reason for living. I walk him 3 times a day and do all the things to comfort him, he finds me and comforts me always. I couldnt leave this world because of him. No matter how, i even imagine him passing and leaving me, that keeps me from leaving him. Im about to go through a divorce; someone who doesnt even fight for my love. However, he is still there, waiting for my attention, waiting for his walk… Ill go be with him because he shows me what it is to be loved, and when he goes; in time, i will find another lost soul, like me, to love and bond with and take on a walk.
I have a 13 yr old granddaughter, since puberty she has become depressed, 18 months now, and in the last 3 months despondent and not wanting to get up, go to school. She gets straight A’s thru her whole life. But now its sometimes shes ok in the morning and mostly not. Today was bad, crying and saying she wished she was never born and wanted to die. Shes gone to counseling for a year with her mom. And its getting worse. Shes a good kid, no drugs, or alcohol, plays soccer, goes to church. We are not in a good place, help!!
When you say she goes to counselling with her mom – does her mom sit in on all the sessions or do you just mean her mom takes her there? If her mom is in the seesion, that needs to stop. She needs to be able to fully open up in a safe place.
You say it started when she hit puberty. Is her dr aware of this? Perhaps there is something he/she can do? My 15 yr old daughter has been dealing with anxiety since she was about 6. We ended up having to put her on medication for a few years. At first I was against it until my dr told me that her anxiety was so bad that the counselling wasn’t going to work until the anxiety could be reduced. The medication made a huge difference in her life.
I hope your granddaughter finds the help she needs and is able to fight through this
Could you please tell me what medication helped your daughters anxiety. I suffer with severe anxiety. It effects my every day schedule, controls my life. I have no money for therapy & everything I have tried so far has failed. I need to get the anxiety under control before I snap & jump off of a 13 story building or purposely run out in front of a moving bus so to stop the anxiety. It is taking a toll on my physical health.
She needs to be in individual counseling, not family counseling with her mother. Teenagers will NOT talk about pivotal issues with a parent in the room.
It’s possible that something may have happened to her, something embarrassing. Privacy will help her talk.
I do NOT recommend medication of any sort.
There is no shame in needing medication. No, I wouldn’t make it the first thing I jump to, but sometimes it’s needed and that’s ok. Would you tell a diabetic NOT to take insulin? An asthmatic NOT to use their inhaler?! This is a decision that needs to be made with a qualified health professional such as a psychiatrist or paediatrician. If you decide not to use medication, good for you. If you decide you need medication, good for you!!! There is no shame in needing medication to deal with depression.
It’s not a matter of shame.
Given that this child has seemingly experienced a rather idyllic existence up to this point in her life but has now taken a dramatic turn in the opposite direction, I would provide her with the very best one-on-one therapist to be had in the hope that, if she has experienced a ‘secret’ trauma or has a serious issue, she would be given every opportunity to solve this issue before even thinking about medication.
Medication can preclude one’s ability to process whatever the patient needs to process. If something has happened to this child – if she has, for instance, experienced a ‘secret’ trauma – medication can preclude grieving and healing. I don’t have space/time to go into the details here, but this can be a real problem.
Antidepressants (assuming they work at all) can not only cut off the ‘lows’ (depression) but the ‘highs’ (joy/happiness). Hence, the patient can end up with a greatly restricted affect range.
Last, a child’s brain is still developing and so is permanently affected by the medication. Once a child starts meds, she might not be able to ever come off of them, even if it is in her best interests to do so. True, this is a problem for adults, as well, but it is worse for children.
I would strongly suggest going med-free for these reasons and more.
And, for those who ask, yes, I have decades of experience, both professionally and personally, in this regard. I do not make these claims lightly.
I have survived colon cancer i now wear a bag my sex life is over which isnt that important to me .I now have vascular disease in my legs and my family shies away from me .I’m a gay male and i believe that my family doesn’t want to have any thing to do with me i have 2 brothers and they never call or come by to see me i cant talk to them about how i feel they dont want to hear it .I feel like im a black sheep in their eyes and that they would like it if i wasnt around .Im about to lose my home and no where to go. i would rather be dead then be homeless
[This comment was edited to abide by the website’s Comments Policy. – SF]
I feel the need to reply, to let you know someone is listening, I’m just not sure the right words to say. I lost a good friend to colorectal cancer – he was 34. I’m happy to hear you beat it, but understand it’s left lasting consequences for you to have to deal with, and I’m sorry for that.
Have you tried reaching out to your brothers? Maybe a letter or email would be easier? That’s how I communicate tough conversations. Maybe they just don’t know what to say?? If that isn’t an option there’s lots of online communities where you will find people with situations similar to yours. “The Mighty” is a good one. You will be surprised the support you can receive through these communities. Reach out – you’re worth it!!
I told her, my psychologist. I told Dr. J everything. I cried and I shook in the chair in her office. She pretended to listen but she never heard me. She had me admitted to hospital against my will. When I got out and went to her for my follow up she quit on me. My psychologist abandoned me she no longer cared. I never returned to anyone and have never heard from her again. She guided me for two years and I trusted her emphatically but when I needed her more than ever she left. Talk and promises of help mean nothing if they are only words and not actions. Now I deal with my thoughts of death alone I will either make it or not. Time in weeks will tell.
Please reach out to someone else. There are amazing psychologists out there. Don’t give up. I left several before I found the amazing one I have now and have been seeing her for over 2 yrs. When I told her my dark thoughts, I looked up and she was crying. She tried to convince me to go to the hospital but didn’t force it. I know it wasn’t an easy decision for her though, but she truly did what she knew was best for me. I looked her in the eye and promised I would stay safe. That promise brought me back from the edge a few weeks later. She trusted me – I couldn’t let her down!! Please give another psychologist a try. You are worth it!!!
Given their credentials, it is difficult for many to understand that therapists, even at the doctoral level, are flawed individuals suffering from their own issues.* Some are quite damaged and so they don’t handle psychiatric emergencies well.
If I were to see anyone at all, I would choose a doctoral-level provider with decades of experience. A well-seasoned professional is less likely to overreact to suicidality than a relative newbie.
A doctoral-level therapist with some fifties years of experience told me once that he had finally learned that he could not save a client, if said client was determined to commit suicide. Hence, while saddened by admissions of suicidal intent, he would not force clients into hospitals against their will. For that matter, he no longer even required a suicidal client to agree to a ‘contract’ promising to call him prior to making an attempt.
Anyhow, my long-winded point is: There are therapists and then there are therapists. You want a highly-experienced, highly-educated therapist will many decades of professional experience behind him or her.
____
* I know someone with a doctorate in counseling who is a registered sex offender. He was denied a license but still practices illegally – and he does not, of course, tell his clients that he is a sex offender.
He has ads posted in the Psychology Today Therapist Directory. Psychology Today ignored my written requests to deny him advertising space.
Given this, I seriously suggest you check out any therapist prior to seeing them for the first time. Ask if they are licensed, and then collect the license number. Check your state’s licensing board listings to make sure the therapist is in good standing. Check out the national sex offender registry while you are at it. If at all possible, seek out a therapist provided you via personal recommendation.
Help me.
I’m here!!! Please know that you can get through this. The lows don’t last forever. Please reach out to someone you trust for help
You are not alone. No one in this world is truly alone, although it might sometimes feel otherwise.
What kind of help do you need/want?
I feel the same way my I’m a 13 yr old girl
If u need somebody to talk to follow me on Insta @_.ijustwannadie
Suicide should be legal in the United States in several European countries suicide is legal even if someone is not terminally ill. Suicide should be a choice and it should be easily accessible to make it painless. Someone truly wants to kill themselves they have researched it for a long time the pros and the cons. Instead of looking at it as saving someone you should look at it as helping someone be out of pain.
I agree. Ill individuals are permitted to refuse treatment, even if refusing treatment means they will die. Suicidal individuals should be permitted the same choice.
Tired of these do-gooders, these therapists, who force suicidal individuals into hospitals for their ‘own good’.
I’ve lost everything and now I’ve lost motivation to work in a couple of months I’ll be broke lose my belongings and become homeless at 79 and yet 1 and 1/2 years ago I worked went to the gym and functioned mdd made me fall apart help my shrink is worthless