When you come to me for help, I want to help you.
I hope you will let me.
I cannot know your secrets without your words.
I hope you will tell me.
Tell me, please, your thoughts of suicide.
You might feel scared to tell me
When I ask if you are thinking of suicide.
I will try to help you feel safe.
I will not judge you.
I will not interrogate you.
I will not panic.
I will listen gently as you tell your story
In your own words, in your own way.
Suicide might tell you not to tell me.
Suicide might tell you I am your enemy.
Suicide lies.
Suicide might tell you that nobody could possibly help you,
That dying is the only way to end your pain.
Suicide might even tell you that you are a bad person
Defective, undeserving of life
Or love, or hope, or compassion.
Please, tell me.
I cannot help you fight the enemy
If you do not tell me about the enemy,
The enemy that is trying to kill you.
Do not trust your suicidal thoughts.
They are not rational.
They are a symptom, a sign, a cry from inside.
Something inside you needs healing.
Healing, not killing.
Tell me, please, what suicide tells you.
Does it tell you everything that is wrong with your life?
Everything that is wrong with you?
Suicide plays tricks with truth,
Telling only the truths that make you want to die
Hiding the truths that make you want to live.
The pieces of hope.
The pathways to healing.
The possible.
Tell me, please.
Or tell somebody else.
I am only one of many people who can help you.
But nobody can help you if you tell nobody.
Thank you.
One day you will thank you, too.
For telling.
For surviving.
***
© Copyright 2014 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Written for www.speakingofsuicide.com. Photos purchased from Fotolia.com.
your letter expresses an understanding. most people don’t, they think we want to hurt everyone, and that we don’t care about anyone but ourselves.The truth is in our minds when we are planning all this, we are doing everyone we love a favor. we are pretty convinced nobody cares that much anyway. i know i have had goofed dreams of my funeral where i am in a pine box and no one showed. i take medication, this isn’t the way i normally think…when i run out and the stress gets bad…oh boy,…oh oh!…Why is it doctors don’t believe that that can be true?…That makes no sense to me, they should know
<3
I’m lost. I am sitting here thinking of a reason to live and I have none. I have no family and only a couple of friends….My therapist told me she would not work with me if I threatened suicide so I don’t. But it feels so strong right now. What do I do?
Get help.don’t suffer anymore.do it for your self you’ll be glad you did..
The very reason you decided to be in this earth, besides being one into the most satisfying universe, is for a pity reason like most humans. There is no purpose of this earth except your own. The universe in the end is full of purpose , it is the definition of purpose. After all you chose to be here just to try it out. Life and death have no meaning. Especially not in this earth. It was supposed to be fun, but the partisipating souls took it too seriously and then the idiots blamed society. Do what you will, the definition of pure life is internal.
Jen. .fight it!!!!! I know it’s hard but reach deep down past those thoughts into your conscience and tell yourself no!!! Give yourself a fighting chance to seek and find the help that you need.. there are so many wonderful reasons to fight that overwhelming feeling of grief …what you need to do Jen is GET TO A PSYCHIATRIST, tell them your thoughts and feelings AND GET ON SOME MEDICATION OR HAVE YOUR MEDICATION ADJUSTED. THEN GET A NEW THERAPIST!!! How is that therapy to tell a person in need of therapy that they can’t help you cause you’re thinking about taking your own life???..she’s a failure at her job!!!
Jen…there are medications to turn those thoughts and emotions off so that you can begin thinking healthier thoughts and begin healing… and build on a life of things that you enjoy…I’m sure you can think of something you enjoy and go from there. .make more friends, who knows you may meet someone and then you can start your own family. I hope I don’t sound like I’m being insensitive or that I’m over simplifying things I certainly don’t mean to. Life is a gift!!! Don’t waste it love. Embrace it! No one says it’s going to be easy…but take on that challenge. Life is what you make it. ..I still struggle, but I thank my higher power every day that I found that strength and that I’m still here and didn’t give up.. I found that helping others and paying it forward is very rewarding..you’ll find your niche. Just be patient give your self time to grow. ..peace be with you…
You don’t realize it but more people care for you than you think. Depression runs heavy in my family and I struggle with that and suicidal thoughts every day. My older brother killed himself a while back cuz he felt alone with his struggle. The line of people at his funeral was out the door and down the street!! I saw the faces of family, friends and people that barely knew him… All had heavy hearts that day.. I saw what it did to them and how it felt for me to lose him. So I don’t hurt myself just so I don’t punish those people. You could be the Rock of someone and not even know it! It really does destroy people inside when you kill yourself. Others might feel responsible, ones that you don’t want to feel that way.. A secret crush, a loved one, a family member, a neighbor, or even a child that looks up to you.. But you didn’t know or take the time to notice them. So live! Even if it’s just for someone else! It’s a reason! It might save someone else’s life. You could depress someone else and they commit suicide.. Be strong for someone else that’s weaker than you. Seek help if you want or need it. I choose not to because I know even though I think of suicide, I’d never do it. I would break the heart of my mother and father.. And I’m not even close to them. I also have a child that I adore and it would mess him up.. My life is theirs though. I’m alive for them. It may not be a good reason but I’m still here, and that’s what counts..
Tom, thanks for sharing your perspective. You might be interested in the book Stay: A History of Suicide and the Arguments Against It, by Jennifer Michael Hecht. The author makes an argument similar to yours – that by staying alive, we help others.
Sadly, this is easier said than done for many people. Depression, trauma, hopelessness, and other forces of suicide can distort a person’s perspective so much that they think others will be better off without them. Or they feel so much pain that all they can think about is ending that pain. Or they hear voices telling them to take their life. And so on. For people who are not yet at those extreme points, the welfare of others can be a very important, compelling, and valuable reason for staying alive.
Well I’m at that point and I have no reason. Did you find ur reason
Jen find a new therapist as soon as you can. You’re being bullied by the one you have, if he or she can’t have a frank and honest discussion abut what you’re feeling then you need one who can.
In response to the person that asked if anyone ever told their therapist about suicidal thoughts. I did, all it did was put me in a place where I didn’t want to be, a mental hospital with no rights. I was basically treated like a prisoner. Although I was told that I could leave at anytime,and that they could not keep me against my own free will. Believe me, I wanted to! From what I hear, insurance probably wouldn’t have covered my stay if I had left before they “released ” me.Now I have been labeled as psychotic because of the psychosis diagnosis. When in reality, I consider myself depressed more than psychotic.My family did not support me at all after I was hospitalized.That has to be the worst feeling anyone can go through, especially during the holidays. I basically am an orphan wandering aimlessly through this screwed up life! I love you too! I don’t have answers, and I don’t know who to go to to get them. I’m told to forget about the past. How’s does one do that when there are so many scars to heal? They say time heals all wounds,I may be running out.
Im sorry you went through that. Its not fair and it shouldnt have happened. I just posted about this very thing the other day. So who do you talk to once youve been “trained” to fear punishment for talking to a therapist? I know it seems like they dont exist (and for the most part, they dont), but there are a few therapists out there who dont believe in involuntarily hospitalizing patients. Ever. They are few and far between, but they are out there. I have a therapist who would never even consider hospitalizing a patient unless THEY are literally begging to be hospitalzed. Otherwise, she doesnt consider it an option. She doesnt ever throw a patient away. I could have a gun to my head, and she still wouldnt lock me up because she knows the damage it would do, and she knows that making that call would guarantee my death because id have no choice but to commit suicide to avoid being hospitalized. . .They’re really hard to find, but keep looking. And keep in mind that even if you do find one, it may still be hard to set aside your concerns and speak freely sometimes, even if you know you have no reason to worry with them. Sometimes the past will come back to haunt you no matter what, but as long as you know they are safe to speak to, you’ll probably eventually be able to trust them, and then you can try to work through those scars. Personally, Im with you – I dont think one can just forget about the past either. I think things need to be dealt with to move beyond them. In the meantime, there’s tons of places online – forums and stuff – where you can share whatever is in your head without worrying. Worst case is that someone says something hurtful, but no one you meet online can punish you for being honest with them. . . . Good luck 🙂
I couldn’t have said it better. If you say what’s really going through that nutty brain of ours, we get put in places we don’t want to be and they add more bills, which make you want to off yourself even MORE!!!! They say they’re there to help but they really just force you to ACT a certain way and never mention your real thoughts again.. It exacerbates the situation exponentially. Then you end up truly alone! It’s a broken system. The best therapy seems to be things like this.. Hearing others with similar thoughts.. Cuz that shows you’re not that different.. Like it’s ok to feel this way cuz others do too. Let those feelings out, the thoughts out. But don’t take action, see what life has to offer. Maybe it gets better, maybe worse, but you’ll end up stronger and in the end, you may help someone else that was suicidal.. Maybe you can understand how they feel and get them through a rough time.. To truly understand something, you gotta go through it. So fight through it and learn from it. Be someone’s HERO!
My psychologist told me that my suicidal thoughts and past attempts are a sign of selfishness. I even explain to her that I was feeling at times deep emotional pain, and a feeling of hoplessness and that was my way of stopping the pain and suffering. She replied” that is a selfish act, you should be thinking of your husband and the family you will be leaving behind and the pain you will be causing them. I left her office feeling totally worthless…
Scarlet-
Find a new therapist!
It’s B/S What She said.
What She’s doing is creating fear-of-treatment/therapy/therapists: you’re There for-help, not ridicule……you are the customer! *Always wondered what providers like-Her would do if We could demand Refunds.
As a Sufferer, You/We need every-ounce of Energy/Hope/Positive-Influence we can-get.
As a …..former ?…..Sole Caregiver, We want the best for You/Our Loved Ones: I realize/now-know personally how near-impossible Seeing-The-Positive-Side/Finding Strength Is.
If It helps, maybe using your love for your family as-motivation??
I realize even That may-be a stretch, but surviving any-way-we-can-find Is-often All we-can-try.
YOU’RE LIFE…..YOU…..YOU’RE HAPPINESS ARE IMPORTANT, AND MATTER EQUALLY AS-EVERYONE’S.
I’ve found many faults in the Mental Healthcare System: it blows my mind That the very system we look-to for help can allow bad terapists/treatments.
Please, do the-best you can…..find a therapist Who listens/truly cares for you. Fear/Ridicule ARE NOT parts of-any kind of treatment, period!
I won’t use “fluffy words” or say anything is-easy…..we both know It’s not! Nor will I say even a Good Therapist can work Instant Miracles: an idea I realized myself is wrong.
It takes time…….I know, you’ve suffered so-long: It can take you more effort Just to get out-of-bed than “normal” people may go-through all-day/week. Many mornings I carried my partner to the bathroom….just that one little thing……because-of His Pain/back hurting so bad.
But PLEASE, somehow…..anyhow….fight to “see another sunrise”…..”give your husband a hug”.
Just A Hug: we do It all the time without thinking…..I would give every organ, every drop-of-blood in my body for one-more-hug.
YEAH……hugs really are That powerful…….and now, priceless!
You’re a Warrior, Scarlet, fighting for Hugs, Sunshine, Love…..another Christmas.
TAKE NO SHIT, EXCEPT NO EXCUSES…….
Best Wishes/Thoughts for you Sister Warrior!
Definitely find a new therapist. Her lack of understanding as to what it means to be in that place is shocking.
Fuck her!! You are allowed to feel that way! Just like any other emotion of feeling, feel it, embrace it or vent it out.. I think about it almost every day.. If I didn’t talk it out with someone, it would stew and make me feel isolated and alone till I might act on it. Letting it out to others like you allow me to feel better and not weird. I think it’s normal, just don’t actually do it.
While I do see her point and agree that it severely hurts others, that is the wrong approach to someone in the mind set like us.