My husband and I were sitting in a police car when we got the news my son Charles, 20, died by suicide in 2015. That’s the moment I left my former self on a shelf somewhere in the past and this new self, a person I didn’t want to be, had to find a way forward.
My first thought was, “How could I be such a bad mother that my son would kill himself? Didn’t he know we loved him? How could I have missed his monumental pain?”
My son struggled with the physical pain of substance withdrawal and the emotional pain of a deep depressive episode when he took his own life. What’s more, he hid his pain behind the mask of a clown. It took a long time before I recognized his death wasn’t about or because of me.
The drugs and alcohol he used to numb feelings of suicide ultimately drove him towards that end. While I didn’t know about his thoughts of suicide, his journal of rap music revealed his struggle, and I now understand his pain. I included his rap lyrics in my memoir, Diary of a Broken Mind.
People look at me now after I give a keynote speech and say, “You are so strong,” thinking I am just naturally that way. But I was very intentional about my grief recovery and worked at it.
I’ve survived a brain tumor, a broken neck, an organ-eating infection, a brief death during a surgical procedure, an attack at knifepoint where I barely escaped rape and murder –all of which were a piece of cake compared to losing my younger child to suicide. After my son’s death, I was emotionally underwater for at least three years, but I did find healing, joy, and a way to give back. And I’m going to share some tips in hopes that it helps you find your own path forward, if you also have lost somebody you love to suicide.
1. Believe You Will Survive
You are confused, heartbroken, overwhelmed, numb, angry, bitter, sad, disbelieving, relieved, feeling guilty and so much more and all at once.
When I thought, “I can’t survive this,” I pushed back and told myself, “I will survive.” I didn’t know how or what that looked like. And I wanted to shed my skin, jump into shiny new life, and leave all that pain behind for someone else to sort out and let me know when I could return and continue forward. But I kept bumping up on the fact that I could not change what happened, and I would have to find a way to accept what happened.
The whole time, I clung to carrying forward my son’s legacy. Because if I didn’t, who would?
2. Focus on Sleep
Grief after a poor night’s sleep is worse. So, at first, I asked my doctor for a non-addictive anti-nausea medicine that made me sleepy, because hypnotics had proven dangerous to members of my family. This med was prescribed for two months so at 15 days before it ran out, I cut the pills in half and then quarters and researched other methods of finding sleep.
I started with an 8-minute meditation I found online and later extended it to a half hour. Then I found a local class on sound baths with Tibetan Singing Bowls that inspired restful meditation and deep sleep. Between classes I use a singing bowls video I found on YouTube. I made natural sleep strategies a religion because it’s so important to healing.
3. You Can’t Heal if You Can’t Feel
Your pain has a purpose, and that pain makes up the building blocks to emotional healing.
Push grief away, and it will come back like a boomerang on steroids. Try and numb the pain with food, alcohol, or drugs, and it will keep you pinned to that early, ugly raw place for much longer. I trust that’s not what you want for yourself.
No emotion or condition lasts forever and the intense, soul-crushing stabs of grief last about 60-90 seconds. It feels like an hour, or forever, but the acute, breath-stopping pain is temporary, survivable, and healing. The emotion may re-fire, but it also subsides.
So, cry, bang on the floor, scream, and lean into your waves of grief. Allow yourself to feel it, and when the intensity lifts 60-90 seconds later, distract yourself with a healthy coping strategy. This doesn’t mean you will feel a rush of joy after. But distraction is a way to keep the intense pain from re-firing.
4. Build a Toolbox of Healthy Coping Skills
While nothing will take the pain away, coping skills help lessen your suffering.
What might work for you? Journaling, an ice pack on your chest, intense exercise, cleaning house, painting, writing music, reading a Bible, talking to a friend, finding a group or therapist – all are examples.
The mornings were the worst for me. I didn’t want to get out of bed or face another day without my child. Life seemed useless, fruitless, senseless. I used a coping skill called opposite action and broke down the steps of getting out of bed into micro steps, so they were more do-able. I would say, “AnneMoss, just sit up, turn around and put your feet on the floor. That’s all you have to do.”
From there I would coach myself to go to the bathroom, wash my hands, and brush my teeth. Many times, the morning routine was interrupted because I would drop to the floor, curl up in a ball and cry. Once the wave of grief ran its course, I would lift myself back up and continue getting dressed and find myself outside. It was important that I get some exercise even if it meant crying the first third of the way.
Opposite action got me out of bed, got me to support group when I didn’t want to go (I was always glad I went.) In short, it helped me do hard things that helped me.
5. Talk to Yourself and Be Kind
Tell yourself you are doing the best you can, that you feel such pain because you were capable of such love. Use your own name when you talk to yourself and address yourself as you would a friend. Would you be mean to a friend? Probably not.
“AnneMoss, you hurt so much right now because you loved so much. You tried so hard to help but it’s hard to fix something you don’t know exists and you can’t control another human.”
6. Find Support
Look for other people who have survived this loss. Look for suicide loss support groups, a therapist, an empathic friend. I had lunch with others who’d lost a child to suicide or overdose because I needed those who’d gone before me as proof it was possible to survive and thrive again.
7. Manage the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda’s
While this could be tucked under coping skills, it’s so pervasive after a suicide loss, it deserves its own section. Others will try to talk you out of it, but it’s part of a suicide loss process.
We’re sure it’s our fault because we couldn’t stop it even though we know we can’t control the actions of another. You might even feel like you didn’t do enough or love enough and that’s why they died.
I’m going to share with you how I handled the coulda woulda shoulda episodes.
I told myself I could torture myself once a day at first but no more than 5 minutes. If I started torturing myself again in the afternoon, I reminded myself I had already tortured myself that morning and could re-torture myself all over again the next day for 5 minutes but for that day it was done. I tapered down by reducing it to 4 minutes, then 3 then every other day and so on.
Create a taper down strategy that works for you. If you find you are being worn to a nub by these thoughts, do seek professional help because it could be “complicated grief.”
8. Forgive Yourself
Even though it’s not your fault, you probably still blame yourself. You’ll benefit from offering yourself forgiveness. You don’t have to set a date, just set the intention.
After about a year, I woke up one day and said, “Today is the day,” and I marked the occasion with a blog post called Forgiving Myself. It was the single most difficult entry I have ever written but it allowed me to process all the pain.
In that article, I pulled back the lens and saw the bigger picture. My son grew up in a house of love– it wasn’t something I said or did that caused him to suicide. For over a year, I had been hyper-focused on the 5% of parenting I did imperfectly, ignoring the 95% I did right.
Do I still have nicks of regret? I do. And I have to remember all those videos from the 90s that illustrate my love and the great times we had. I have to remember the birthday parties and sleepovers, times I stayed up all night when he ran a fever and those moments when he’d hug me with those arms scissored behind my back and told me how much he loved me.
9. Forgive Others
It’s OK to feel and acknowledge anger, bitterness, and blame, but drowning in those emotions long term hurts you.
Bullying or someone’s actions could have been a contributing factor to your loved one’s suicide. But for your loved one to have taken their life, there had to be so many other factors that made them vulnerable to suicide. I’m not saying drop a pending court case if there was criminal intent but as grieving loved ones, we often embrace blame which can delay our healing and poison the relationships we have left. Ask yourself if it serves you.
10. Help Others Understand How to Help You
Not all your friends will know how to sit with you in your grief and some will avoid you because they don’t know how to fix it. Their own fear of what to do or say paralyzes them.
So, tell your friend that watching an old movie together with a bowl of popcorn is fine. Ask them to allow you to cry, talk about your loved one and that you simply need to feel heard. Tell them you need others to remember your loved one. Encourage stories and memories because we want to know our loved one mattered.
11. Think of One Thing You are Grateful for Every Day
Because of my tragedy I couldn’t see any of the positive things happening in my life. This exercise helped open just a crack of light in my head so I could see the beauty happening around me. It took a few weeks, but it worked.
12. Remember, Even the Wrong Things People Say after a Suicide Come from a Place of Love
I decided no matter what someone said that I would appreciate they had the guts to say anything at all.
13. Address Suicidal Thoughts if You Have Them
It is not uncommon for grieving people to feel suicidal. If you are thinking of suicide, please tell someone and get support. Call 988, or text 741741. This post also might be helpful to you: Are You Thinking of Killing Yourself?
It’s also OK to live at first because you feel obligated to live. A friend of mine with depression lost her only child to suicide and struggled a lot with suicidality. Her best friend got her to a therapist she still sees many years later. And I’m happy to report that she wants to live these days.
As a self-help step, write down your “reasons to live” on an index card in your own handwriting, fold it in half, put it in your pocket, and bring it out when you are at a place of despair.
14. Let Your Grief Transform You
The soul that emerges after this tragedy will be a beautiful, wondrous human. You will never again skim the surface of life or take your relationships for granted. Grief makes life matter more. And while you will never be the same or get “over it,” your wounded heart will heal, and you’ll learn to accept grief as part of your life and recognize that it represents the love and the bond you have with the one you lost.
For More Information on Coping with Grief
You can find more tips in the free, downloadable ebook I co-authored with Karla Helbert, LPC, Coping Strategies for Grief and Loss.
© 2024 AnneMoss Rogers. All Rights Reserved. Written for Speaking of Suicide.
Thank you for your story. My son, whom we adored died 3 years ago at 35 from suicide. I try to stop blaming myself over the years. My husband joined him due to cancer last year. I try to stay strong but it is hard. I have grieving groups that have helped so much and a lovely daughter that needs and loves me. Sharing stories helps to not feel so alone. Again, thank you.
That is a lot of loss in a short period of time, Claire. I can understand the struggle. As for this, “I try to stop blaming myself over the years.” It’s a painful part of the grief process. I did set the intention to forgive myself and when I got perspective I saw in all the videos and photos that my son grew up in a house of love. That wasn’t something I did or said that caused him to suicide. And I also realized that I was focusing on the 5% of parenting I did imperfectly, ignoring the 95% I did right.
It took me a while to get there. But setting the intention to forgive myself at some point in the future helped. I’m so glad you found a group. I feel that you are building the emotional muscle to carry the grief and integrate it into your life, and I feel certain you will and do find and savor moments of joy with your daughter. I’m grateful you have one another. Much love
I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. My son took his life two years ago. He was only 36, had four beautiful kids, 12, 10, 6 and 4 now, Passed away 21 Sept – one day after my wife and I 42nd wedding anniversary and after having a wedding celebration that they were able to save for after many years.
It’s been two years and I can’t take it.
I’ll continue to stay strong for the family.
Excellent and very clear. I have had many of those thoughts too and just gone with the flow of every feeling. Nothing else is possible.
Thank you and all the best
Cathy
Elizabeth my elder daughter committed suicide at 25 in 2021.
Cathy- Thank you for validating my own feelings. In memory of your daughter, Elizabeth. She deserves to be remembered. I appreciate your comment.
It’s always an honour to remember them, even though it’s painful.
Hugs
We can have a relationship either way our beloved dead and we can have traditions and keepsakes without shame. If it helps us through the loss and makes us feel connected, that’s beautiful.
Anne, Fiona, and Others –
I absolutely understand and am aware of the difficulty with dealing with the “coulda/woulda/shouldas.” I am also concerned that we don’t make the survivors feel even worse by bringing up things we might have done that would have made a difference. As a Pediatrician MD Father of a 22 yo son’s suicide, I definitely have visited that realm every day for the past 16 years. Problem I have had is, my colleagues don’t want to be transparent and accepting that we COULD HAVE prevented his suicide. He came in, twice, over 6 months, pleading for help. I saw the signs, and tried to bring him into mental health, but he reassured me he “had it, treat me like an adult.” As a physician helping so many other families with mental health issues, I still lament over how I could have been so clueless as a Dad. (Of course, I wasn’t clueless, and have come to terms with it.) Most therapists say “Don’t go there, George, because it only leads to more depression and suicide risk in the survivors.” But if we can’t ‘go there,’ and don’t, go there, how can we learn from our experiences, and prevent the next suicide? Listen to ALL the survivors, I say. We could do something about suicide rates if we could get over job protection risk in the medical profession. Just sayin’. That said, I am grateful for Anne Moss and this discussion group. I am so sorry for all our losses. We have much to learn from each other, and society could learn much from us… if they’d care to really listen.
It’s all so sad George. I’m really glad I found this site. I have a really good therapist, who I’ve been seeing for a number of things and realized I have never really talked about my son as I had no one to discuss it with and couldn’t even talk without breaking down. I’m thankful my therapist is now helping. Yesterday I was looking through a few things and found my son’s suicide nite. That was really hard.
I know I have to work through it to heal, as do we all. I’m so sorry for everyone in this position. Hugs to all
Beautiful anonymous. It’s never too late to do the work. And you are feeling the difficult feelings and that does have a purpose and that’s healing. I know re-reading the note was hard. So amazed at your strength and perseverance.
So sorry for your loss George.
It’s a long healing process, with so many regrets.
Read my son’s suicide note yesterday as I was going through some papers.
It was so overwhelming, even after 29 years. I’m so grateful for my therapist who is so gentle and king.
First of all, I’m sorry you, too, lost a son. Much love.
You bring a very important perspective to this cause since you are a suicide loss survivor and an MD.
I also think going through the coulda/woulda/shouldas is part of the suicide grieving process. For me, there was no way I was going to connect all the dots in my emotional state during my son’s last phone call to me. It took me two years to piece it all together AFTER I knew the outcome.
I dug into all of it. I wrote and wrote and then wrote a book. I talk about it, and all of that helped me and still helps me process the loss. And it helped me forgive myself, too. So I agree with you. We do need to talk about it. We just might want to put some boundaries around the self-torture and then, like you said, push for change. You are in the position to do just that.
So I’m sharing a link to a healthcare practice policy outline from Four Pines nonprofit. (I left out the pdf link because a second link would relegate me to spam.)
Effective Suicide Care: A Summary of Research Practices that Reduce Suicide Risk and Save Lives (From Four Pines)
Flip Book online: https://online.fliphtml5.com/ucxxu/xxkh/#p=1
Your son knew you and knew exactly what button to push to get you to back away. When it comes to suicide, we can’t “save their life” as much as we can “help them save their own life.” Your experience and perspective allow you to see the gaps that need filling. And I think you have the passion to put your grief into action. Thank you for your comment.
Hello 👋 fellow parent ( single parent)of my son who took his own life in October. 2025, he’d lived with me for the last 11 years ( he was 34)..and wed gone thru some pretty scary psycosis and psychiatric wards 11 years ago.
He was a highly intelligent and very sensitive young man, We were fusional..particularly in these last 11 years, I now feel like I’ve been left hanging on a cliff…( Trying to hang on to him) having gone through so much pain with him and that he chose to “jump,” as the pain became unbearable, but now I’m left with haunting memories and unbearable pain as my whole life had become intrinsic with his difficulties..how on earth do I pull myself back up from hanging off the cliff..alone…without my beloved son, I can’t even be a part of society ..years of solitude trying to cope alone, And now…I observe society through the lense of…I don’t belong here..no one understands my pain, and what do I do with all the hopes of living well..now crushed. I have a daughter so I have to keep going but Existentially this is torture. I guess Im writing to you…as you mentioned being a pediatrician…probably totally unrelated..but I’m desperate..no idea where to turn
I’m not a pediatrician, and while some pediatricians may have insight here, many mental health questions are complex and don’t always have straightforward answers.
What stood out to me most, though, was something you said: “I can’t even be a part of society… years of solitude trying to cope alone. And now I observe society through the lens of… I don’t belong here. No one understands my pain.”
What you’re feeling is more common after profound loss than people realize. Grief can become isolating and convincing—it can make it feel as though no one could possibly understand what you carry. That feeling is real. But FEELING alone is not the same as BEING alone.
One way to help yourself move forward is for you to find your people, and it is never too late to join a grief group or seek therapy. There is something powerful about sitting in a room with others who have experienced profound loss. You don’t even have to talk at first—just listen. Over time, something begins to shift. (e.g., Compassionate Friends is a national group for those who’ve lost a child)
Right now, your pain may be narrowing your perspective into what clinicians sometimes call constricted thinking or black-and-white thinking, patterns that can reinforce automatic negative thoughts and create a filter through which everything is interpreted. The encouraging part is that these patterns can change.
You can move forward. The loss will always matter, but it does not always have to feel unbearable. Joy can return. You can build the emotional strength to carry both your grief and your loved one with you.
You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. And from what you’ve shared, it sounds like your efforts likely gave him more time and more love than he might otherwise have had here on earth. Much love. I hear you and understand. And I hope that helps.
I remembered childhood trauma, which I’ve been working on with my therapist, it’s a process, but he’s started talking about my son’s, who died by suicide 20 years ago. I have never been able to discuss it without breaking down. It got a little easier as I was working in my childhood trauma, but now it feels like it happened yesterday, and I can’t stop the waves of uncontrollable crying. I just feel so desperate, and I don’t know what to do.
Is this normal?
Yes. The breaking down and crying is normal. And it means you are healing. Your grief is delayed which is also normal. I run a grief support group and a man aged 40 joined. He lost his mother at age 20 and was just starting to grieve that suicide loss. Like you he had other trauma that had delayed the grief and in working with a therapist they uncovered that there was unresolved grief. Feel the feelings. They last about 60-90 seconds. Then when it lifts you can distract with a healthy coping strategy.
I know you will work through this because you are making the effort and setting the intention. You won’t get over the grief but you will become strong enough to carry it with you. And the very strong emotions you feel now also don’t last forever. Much love to you.
Thank you so much.
Just spent the weekend re living every detail and crying for almost two solid days.
It’s hard ❤️
I can’t reply to your new comment but I can reply to this one. I found a suicide loss group to be helpful. But it is brutal.
Over time, there will be more time between those intense waves, and the waves become less intense. But it does take a while. I remember doing the same as you, but also losing hair, breaking out in rashes, having swollen eyes, losing or gaining weight, experiencing achy muscles, and not wanting to get out of bed. I’m a brain tumor survivor and it didn’t even compare to the pain I felt after my son’s death. I’m so sorry it’s so hard in the midst of all else you are dealing with. Much love.
Thank you so much Anne.
You have certainly gone through a lot.
I am so glad I got in touch.
Hugs
Fiona
Thank you so much.
Just spent the weekend re living every detail and crying for almost two solid days.
It’s hard ❤️
You said: “Thank you so much.
Just spent the weekend re living every detail and crying for almost two solid days.
It’s hard ❤️”
It is hard. I put boundaries around torturing myself. I’d give myself one session per day for that “coulda woulda shoulda” torture, and then when the timer went off, I said no more today. When I would feel it again, I just told myself, “You have tortured yourself already today. Tomorrow you can torture yourself again for 5 minutes.” I believe those moments of punishment are part of the process but I wanted to lessen them. It wasn’t a perfect solution and wasn’t 100% but overall that strategy helped lessen the amount of torture time. But honestly, some days, you just need some wallow time to let it all out. You do you. That pain means you are healing just like it does if you had had knee surgery. So it does have a purpose.
I hear you, Fiona.
It was Mark’s birthday this week. My tummy felt like there was a grenade ready to explode. Saw my therapist and cried almost the whole time, then felt guilty because I know he has a son around the same age, so I felt like I was too much. Crazy I know. Feeling bad for your therapist.
Birthdays are hard. Over the years that has softened for me and I am not as undone as I once was. I think you needed that time with the therapist to let it all out. It sounds to me like you feel it’s a safe space. And you feel for the therapist because you have a big heart.
Thank you for the advice.i lost a son to suicide.he shot himself while on the phone with me.so it’s been hard.i have no support so I deal with it alone.i hope over time it gets easier.but thank you.
Paula, that is devastating. Finding your child like that is so traumatic. I don’t know if you are open to it or not, but just in case I will post two links. One is to a suicide loss support group finder and the other is for a support group finder for those who have lost a child. Thank you for commenting. Much love.
A discussion group helped me connect with others who were going through this. They seemed to have more bandwidth than friends who had not. In case it helps. But maybe it will also help others.
Free-Compassionate Friends Support Group Finder (for those who have lost a child to any cause of death): https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/chapters/chapter-locator/
Free-Suicide Support Group Finder (for those who’ve lost a loved one to suicide. Inside and outside the USA. https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/
May be a small fee. Not sure.- Suicide Loss support groups specific to who you lost (sibling, child etc): https://www.copingaftersuicide.com/support-groups
Hello Paula, Id read your comment the other day and it has been in my head ever since, the trauma you must go through, I just want to send love and wishes from a mother whose son cycled at night to a train track to lay on the tracks. This last October. I’m a lone parent we were very fusional, I am beyond devastated, the pain is often unlivable, I wish we mothers of such terrible tragedies could have a direct link..just for hugs…I feel lost in this world living is so unbearable right now. Sending you a really big hug from another mum suffering the insufferable
❤️
I lost my forever 19 old grandson by suicide on Sept 27,2024.This is a pain unless you went through it you will never know.The worst ever.He was super intelligent graduated early joined the Army and even went to Russia because he was training to be an interpreter.He also thought himself.No one had any idea he was hurting.He smiled all the time and everyone he met loved him.The waves of grief are much.And I am starting to hurt more everyday.Everyday that passes I am one day closer.I had the thought of suicide twice in my life so I do know at the time he did what he did he just wanted the pain to go away.People think they are selfless for leaving us behind but you are not thinking of anyone at that time.I will admit I do get mad at him angry with him and what everyone says.I am a grandmother so I have to go through two deaths.My daughter to.She is dead inside and never will be the same daughter I gave birth to.I want to take her pain.I want to still wake up from this nightmare.But like said before This pain will never go away.But we will continue to keep them with us.I got a tattoo of his face on me and I wear his ashes.But nothing makes it easier I’m sorry to say.Thanks for listening Charlie’s Nana
It is the worst pain ever. I am so sorry you are going through this and do know I understand. No one wants suicidal thoughts. I don’t think of it as a choice but something someone is driven to in a moment of, or years of repeated, unbearable pain. Like you said, the person just wants to stop that pain. My mom struggled with watching me in so much agony. What helped us was talking about it more. She was a different generation so that was a difficult skill for her but I’m proud of her for making and effort and doing it.
So I am going to tell you what I witnessed recently. I was asked to briefly speak at a Compassionate Friends meeting last month (that’s a group that focuses on child loss). In that group were a husband and wife and the grandmother. They came together.
Afterwards, I asked the grandmother how it helped, and she said it meant everything because she needed a place where they understood her pain of loss and her helplessness of seeing her daughter and son-in-law suffer. But the daughter said the fact that her mother came had lessened their suffering, and each of them said something in the group that made it worth coming. So it opened up new conversations that helped all with healing. Not that one is ever the same. It took a while to find joy again and learn to walk beside grief. I thought this family had a great idea. Lucky they were in the same area. But I’ve also had families come together in my online support group.
I lost my beautiful son to suicide June 24,2025. The funeral is behind me now comes healing. I feel confused, heartbroken, angry, guilty, I went bankrupt trying to help my son, I didn’t know he was using drugs until this year. His drug use started way back in college now that I look back on the amount of money he was asking for books and meals was just for drugs. I feel taken advantage of I’m all over the place. My heart is crushed.
Tracey- My heart hurts knowing where you are in the agony of this healing process. And yes, that pain is part of healing. I didn’t know it could hurt so much emotionally and physically.
The emotions you are experiencing are normal. We spent hundreds of thousands to help our son. And our son like yours, like anyone who is addicted also lied and manipulated. Because the disorder told them so. They had to in order to keep withdrawal at bay. Manipulation is one of the hallmarks of substance use disorder. The liar? That wasn’t your kid it was the hostage acting. Just so you know, when someone is predisposed to suicide, the period of withdrawal exacerbates those feelings of low self-worth and despair and increases the chances of suicide. Your son and mine felt shame. They hated themselves for what they did to us. Loathed themselves. I know because my son left a journal of lyrics. That told me his story and many themes that I now know are universal for those who are addicted and predisposed to suicidal thoughts.
We didn’t know our son was addicted until the end. It’s a long learning process for us and when it’s compacted we don’t have time to make the adjustment to a new way of communicating which takes time. It’s a monumental shift and that doesn’t happen overnight.
You made a great first move by leaving this comment. What is one thing you are doing or can do for yourself to help you survive right now? If you want any help, just ask. But you might have already chosen one thing. Much love and thank you for having the courage to comment and share your pain.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, it really lifted my spirits, which is extremely important right now, appreciating life’s moments. The one thing I’m doing right now for myself is forgiving my son for taking his life. Releasing that anger and disappointment has freed my heart to allow for a little peace knowing my beautiful son in not suffering anymore. It’s similar to watching a child suffer a physical illness finally transition, and you’re relieved they’re not suffering anymore. I’m trying to get to a place to stop blaming myself is there more I could’ve done you know? Thank you again for your reply. I hope I’m helping someone who’s reading, it’s been 20 days since my son died and the pain has eased a little, just be encouraged please.
Anonymous and AnneMoss Rogers,
My apologies, this message went to my Spam folder and I’ve just now unearthed it, more than a month later.
Anonymous, by now it’s been far more than 20 days since your son died. I expect the pain has come back as strong as ever again and again, and eased a little again and again, as grief isn’t linear. I hope your moments of eased pain help sustain you in the other moments. Thank you for sharing here.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, it really lifted my spirits, which is extremely important right now, appreciating life’s moments. The one thing I’m doing right now for myself is forgiving my son for taking his life. Releasing that anger and disappointment has freed my heart to allow for a little peace knowing my beautiful son in not suffering anymore. It’s similar to watching a child suffer a physical illness finally transition, and you’re relieved they’re not suffering anymore. I’m trying to get to a place to stop blaming myself is there more I could’ve done you know? Thank you again for your reply. I hope I’m helping someone whose reading, it’s been 20 days since my son died and the pain has eased a little, just be encouraged please.
Thank you for those great suggestions. I think death by suicide is so very hard for those left behind. Thank you for the positivity. I am so sorry for your loss. I had a beautiful son once, too.
It is very complicated mainly because it seems like that the person we love intentionally left us and this earth. That makes it harder to get our heads and hearts around. I still have times when it’s hard but it’s not as intense as it was at the beginning. Learning more about suicide has helped although there will always be unanswered questions.
I’m new at this.
Much love Mary Moore. I’m so sorry. Those who have gone before you have integrated grief into our lives in a way that honors our lives and that of our loved ones. Others helped me. We can help you. I know it’s so devastating. I have been there. It’s a process. You can do this although it feels impossible and scary.
Just lost our 19 year old on Saturday and it is still hard to believe so much of my life involved him and It hurts so bad knowing we won’t be together for the latest movies or reading comic books weekends were our times together I miss my son so much hopefully he is at peace
Bob- I’m so sorry you have to endure this pain. All those memories are so painful, especially at first. You have survived the first awful week and I am grateful you are looking up information to try and find a way forward. I found others who went before me and it did help me. If you see this message tell me your son’s name (first name is fine) if you would, and at least one thing that was special about him. Much love from one suicide loss survivor and bereaved parent to another.