Many people who attempt suicide do so impulsively. Extremely impulsively.
One study of people who attempted suicide found that 48% thought of suicide for fewer than 10 minutes before making the suicide attempt.
The haste with which many people die by suicide is staggering. Had they waited a little longer, then the intense impulse to act on suicidal thoughts might have passed.
This brings me to the 3-day rule. I’ve heard about this rule anecdotally and read about it here and there on blogs and other websites. One writer summed it up quite well in a post that is no longer online:
“For me I have a 3 day rule. With most big decisions that will affect my life, I give myself 3 days. If I still think it is the best choice for me after 3 days, then I go with it. Yes even with suicide…
“If even for one moment you feel a smidge of joy or like life is actually worth living, you have to start the 3 days again. Again time many times brings clarity.”
The author, Ali McCollum, also states, “Spoiler… death by my own hand has yet to feel like the right choice for 3 straight days.”
Keep On Keeping On
The old adage “one day at a time” holds true here. With suicidal thoughts, however, the mantra may be “one hour at a time,” or “one minute at a time.”
Even “one moment at a time” can be difficult.
If you hold off for three days, chances are you will not feel 100% intent on dying that entire time. And maybe you will even feel hope, or pleasure, or some other reason to live.
If your suicidal thoughts are so intense that even waiting 3 days seems impossible, please get help immediately. Call 911 (or, if you are outside the U.S., whatever the emergency number is in your country). Or go to an emergency room. Or call someone who will help you stay safe.
Really? Suicidal Thoughts Stop After 3 Days?
Keep in mind that I’m not talking about all suicidal thoughts. It would be foolish to say that suicidal thoughts tend to pass in 3 days. Some people think of suicide for weeks and months, even years.
What I am referring to is the profound intent to act on suicidal thoughts. If someone is on the verge of suicide, those 3 days can mean the difference between life and death.
Suicidal thoughts might persist, but the impulse to act on them can change many times over three days.
To quote the late psychologist Edwin Shneidman, one of the pioneers in suicidology:
“The acute suicidal crisis (or period of high and dangerous lethality) is an interval of relatively short duration – to be counted, typically, in hours or days, not usually in months or years. An individual is at a peak of self-destructiveness for a brief time and is either helped, cools off, or is dead.”
Naturally, my hope is that you are helped or cool off.
What If 3 Days Go By and You Still Want to Die by Suicide?
Time does not heal all wounds, especially not quickly. The 3-day rule aside, I do not mean to imply that you should end your life if you still feel acutely suicidal after three days.
In some ways, 3 days is a long time. A lot can happen. Feelings can change. Perspective can change.
Getting a good night’s sleep during those 3 days, or talking with a friend or suicide hotline, or simply surfing the waves of moods, can weaken the suicidal impulse.
In other ways, 3 days is hardly a blip on the radar screen of an entire life. If after 3 days you still are intent on dying, please get help.
Reach out to others, whether someone you know or a stranger at hotline or online. For a list of places where you can get help anonymously, you can start here.
What Comes Next with Suicidal Thoughts?
Even if you follow the 3-day rule and no longer feel adamantly that suicide is your only option, the suicidal thoughts might still persist or revisit.
Ultimately, to survive suicide’s assault, more is needed than waiting.
You might need to uncover reasons for living. Tapping into hope and rediscovering pleasure can also help.
More than anything, talking back to suicidal thoughts and learning to cope with them can fortify you in your fight against suicidal forces.
A Good Starting Place to Cope with Suicidal Thoughts
The 3-day rule is a good place to start. Not only can it save your life, it can also show you with amazing clarity that suicidal thoughts can waver in their intensity.
Those 3 days can demonstrate that at least the strength of suicidal thoughts, if not suicidal thoughts themselves, can be temporary.
Suicidal thoughts can change, as can you, your mood, and your life.
© 2014 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Written for Speaking of Suicide.
I had suicidal thoughts 10 years ago, but I didn’t attempt suicide. I remember them as if it was yesterday because I thought I was crazy and I was frightened. The thoughts came every day at around 10 am more like impulses to act and lasted around 15 minutes. I couldn’t stop them, no matter what I tried (logic, religion, sometimes I stayed in bed and tried not to move). I was scared about them and they were very powerful, so for around a month every evening I prepared tea in a big pot (around 2 liters of tea, I used some tea that tasted like fruit, I think strawberry, but I don’t remember what kind of fruit it was), put it on the table and drank it when I had the thoughts. I might have fooled my brain that I was poisoning myself because I got relief after impulsively drinking those 2 litres of tea.
I made my rented flat an anti-suicide environment by storing dangerous chemicals (like detergents) in a locked closet.
I also stayed away from the balcony and imposed myself to stay away 5 meters from the subway line and only go closer when the metro had its doors open, to make sure I don’t throw myself in front of the train.
After a month, I went to the doctor and got antidepressant (Prozac) and 10 sessions (1-2 hours each)of anti-suicide counselling and I didn’t have those thoughts anymore. I went to the doctor because I was scared that I might act on those impulses someday and I didn’t want to die.
I cant get rid of my suicidal thought
Andy, please call the national lifeline at 800.273.8255 (TALK) or text 741-741 for help!
Undoubtedly waiting is a good thing when applied to suicide, although there are those who have a more rational philosophical desire to die not based out of immediacy or some sort of life crisis. Perhaps a six month, or year long waiting period would work for such people; giving those with an honest desire to die a true choice, rather than simply a visit to a psych ward. It would also have the benefit of driving more patients towards “help” similar to that presented on a site such as this, even if the “help” presented is unwanted and unnecessary, it could save some on the fence pertaining to future life goals / etc.
However, the question would need to be asked whether those following this life-affirming philosophy would allow those with a long-term desire to die their ultimate wish, given the bias presented on this sites, and in general on sites such as this. Could a psychiatrist allow for those deemed “healthy” who simply have had enough of life to end it, or will the psych assume that one who wishes to end his or her life is unhealthy simply based out of a desire to die?
I didn’t even think about it 3 seconds. Something happened, I ripped the sleves off the sweater, and took everything pill and liquid form of what I could find in the house. Then went to school. That was the second time. First time same thing. Incident happened, took a whole lot of aspirins. Would have taken many more had my sister or fought me for them. Later I was in so much pain I wished I was dead. No one but my sister knew the first time. The second time my friend figured it out because I gave her a Christmas present early. Off to the hospital. When I got home my step father said let him know next time and he’d tell me how to do it right. I said tell me now. I couldn’t stand to live with him one more second.
Currently 12 days past the Suicide thought,and yet life is still fucked up.
Austin,
I’m sorry you’re having what sound like very big challenges. The idea behind the 3-day rule isn’t that life gets better after 3 days. I wish! Instead, it’s that our feelings and impulses fluctuate so much across 3 days that we should start the clock over whenever suicidal thoughts lessen. Not when suicidal thoughts disappear, because they might never disappear, but when they lessen.
Of course, suicidal thoughts might not in fact lessen, in which case more intense help is needed. Please be sure to read the section toward the end of the article, “What If 3 Days Go By and Suicide Still Beckons?”
Good luck to you! As always, if you want to talk with someone by phone, email, text, or online chat, check out the Resources page for a list of places where you can do that.
Interesting, ’cause I’ve been suicidal for 30 years, since age 8. I’ve researched every method extensively starting around age 21. Over the course of 15 years, I’ve planned everything to the tee, written my notes, tied up loose ends, made sure I have the proper end of life documents in place, final wishes laid out, and have gone so far as to acquire a peaceful and painless method and have it in a safe deposit box for when I decide I’ve had enough suffering. Also in the past 15 years, I’ve tried every treatment under the sun, to no avail. I wholeheartedly believed up until this last year that I’d overcome my treatment-resistant depression, PTSD, BDD, GAD, and BPD. Now I see and accept that many people – especially those with multiple comorbid disorders – don’t get better and they are condemned to a lifelong, uphill struggle. After doing that already for 39 years, I don’t think I’ll be committing to many more. I think you could call me anything but impulsive in my suicidality. And, in all my years of participating in suicide forums, I can tell you, there are many, many, MANY more like me. Some suicides are impulsive, but not all of them, and the fact is, you probably can’t tell the difference in many cases.
Anonymous, those are great points. Most suicides aren’t impulsive. I think the spirit behind the 3-day rule is that suicidal ideation fluctuates. Even when it’s strong, there usually are moments of doubt or even relief that then reset the clock, so to speak.
I’m sorry about your setback and about how much suicide calls out to you. I hope you’ll check out the Resources page for places where you can talk to someone by phone, text, email, or online chat.
I feel like reading this makes sense but..it’s when those 3-day periods comes often. you may have reason to start all over again..which means you did get a blink of hope; but is it ever enough? It just continues in circles.That hello pain and nobody to turn to cycle..it gets old very fast and even if not suicidal can wear you down to a point where you just don’t care anymore. At least that is my experience of it.
3 Days? I’ve been suicidal for at least 8 years. You’re not talking about people who want to commit suicide, you’re talking about people who don’t know how to deal with specific emotions. For permanently suicidal people, it’s not a matter of “if” but a matter of “when”.
Exactly
Luc,
I apologize for not seeing your comment earlier. Even if you don’t see this, for the sake of others who might come upon this I want to clarify that there’s no expectation that suicidal thoughts will go away in 3 days. Rather, the idea behind the 3-day rule is that the intensity of suicidal thoughts is (usually) in constant flux. Whenever the intensity wanes even a little, the 3-day clock should start over as a means to prolong time … and the hope for change.
It’s awful and painful that you’ve felt suicidal for 8 years. During all those years, I imagine that the strength of your suicidal thoughts has been more intense at some times than others. And that variation is what the 3-day rule exploits.
Exactly
My son has attempted suicide 5x in the last 6 months. It was a drastic change. He was a promising student athlete who was very social. I don’t know how to help him. He’s back in a psychiatric unit waiting for placement in residential treatment which he hates and breaks my heart. I want him home, but I don’t know how to keep him safe. I don’t see the triggers. He has tried Intensive Outpatient program and after 10 days of completing this program, he overdosed and ended up in ICU. Please help me understand the difference between permanently suicidal people and the ones who doesn’t know how to deal with specific emotions.
Hey guys, I’m Jessica, I’m 19, and I want to help, I know I’m young and may not understand everything you as an individual are going through but I want to listen and help in any way I can, even if it’s just being there for you or your friend in dark times. I don’t judge, I won’t belittle what you’re going through, because it’s all real to you and I understand that.
A little about me, I come from an abusive family, I’ve been in many relationships, some were good, one was physically abusive and one was emotionally and mentally abusive. Ive been engaged, happy, hopeful, and then one day he up and left me in the middle of Indiana 2,300 miles away from my family and went home to his mom. I’ve been sexually assaulted, had my best friend commit suicide, and just recently overcame a kind of anorexia/bulimia. Now I don’t say all this to get your sympathy, maybe I can grab the attention of a fellow sufferer and help. Anyway, please, if you need support or a listening ear, email wesurvivetolive@gmail.com
I’d love to hear from you,
Jessie
I’ve thought about suicide this year over my fiancé leaving me and getting married to another woman. But I have had friends to help me with it and I recently reconnected with my other ex boyfriend who is much sweeter to me and we are going to start dating again so I do feel that things are looking up.