Letter from a Therapist to a Suicidal Person

437 Comments Leave a Comment

1. Yeah, right… The therapist says You can tell me if you have suicidal thoughts, I will not judge you, i will try to help you feel safe, I will not panic… yadayadayada B.S.! The psychiatrist that is telling you that you can trust them is lying and will call the police and have you Baker Acted at the slightest mention that you might have had the slightest feeling about not being able to handle your life. The Baker Act allows the psychiatrist to have you taken by the police in handcuffs (though you have not committed any crime) and have you incarcerated in a nasty ‘snake pit’ type psychiatric prison. (Snake Pit is a movie about a horrible psychiatric prison). Never divulge your feelings to your therapist unless you want this to happen to you because it absolutely will. They will imprison you in a cell against your will for 72 hours and not allow you any outside contact. The conditions onside such facilities are horrid – floor cleaner for shampoo, a shared group comb that hundreds of people have used, a shared common area with many people that are very mentally ill (literally raving mad) and violent. Likewise if a person attempts suicide. How do I know this? Because it happened to me when my wife left me and took our young baby with her and did not allow me any contact. My whole world was gone in an instant. It would be extremely abnormal if a person wasn’t severely depressed in that situation! Mention casually about life being meaningless without them and next thing i know i’m handcuffed and on the way to the ‘snake pit’. Was held for 72 hours and had to see a judge (while shackled hands and feet like i’m f’ing Charles Manson) to get released and then put on ‘probation’ for it. Never trust a therapist!! The ‘snake pit’ had the f’ing gall to send me a bill for their ‘services’!!! I never paid them an f’ing penny and told them off.

   Reply

   • Anonymous,

     It sounds like you had a horrendous, traumatic experience with hospitalization, and that in itself is an understatement. I am so sorry those awful things happened to you.

     For you and for anyone else reading this, please keep in mind that there are hundreds of hospitals in the U.S. They are not all the same.

     Although the way you were treated disgusts me, there are many others who do not meet the same fate, many others who are, in fact, helped by hospitalization. I wish your experience had been one of those.

     Also, a clarification: The Baker Act is in Florida only; it is the law permitting involuntary hospitalization. It should be NOT be invoked merely for people who speak of suicide without a plan and the intent to act on that plan imminently. Involuntary hospitalization should be an absolute last resort, due to the psychological trauma and deprivation of civil liberties that it imposes on the suicidal person.

     A good therapist or psychiatrist would never move to involuntary hospitalize some for, as you put it, having “the slightest feeling about not being able to handle your life.” Good therapists are out there.

     I know this might sound ludicrous to you, Anonymous, given all you have gone through, but please know that there really are people who can help you. For information about how to find a therapist who does not overreact when suicide is on the table, check out this post: How to Find a Therapist Who Does Not Panic.

     Reply

   • Sorry to hear you went through an involuntary commitment. I have also. It is awful. Every time. …The type of places you described are disgusting and are a nightmare to try to live in. Even the private hospitals that were basically clean and would be considered a “humane” choice by the shrink who would commit someone against their will are still inhumane……

     So to those professionals who think there is ever a good excuse for locking someone away against their will: NO HOSPITAL IS A HUMANE CHOICE. Involuntary hospitalization is always inhumane because your most basic rights and freedoms are ripped away from you, which is something that is only supposed to happen when you commit a crime. A person who has done nothing wrong should not lose their freedom. Ever. Going outside and breathing fresh air is a RIGHT. Being allowed to control what dangerous chemicals do or dont enter your bloodstream is supposed to be a RIGHT. Being allowed to refuse to let someone strip search you is supposed to be a RIGHT. A psych patient loses all of those rights even though they’ve committed no crime, and that is wrong. Patients in hospitals have even fewer freedoms than criminals in prison do. A criminal in prison can refuse to take meds, and they get some time outside to breathe fresh air each day. Patients dont have those rights. There is no time outside. If a patient tries to refuse their meds, they will either never be released until they agree to ingest those dangerous chemicals, or they will be held down and drugged against their will. In fact, theres lots of things you can try to refuse, as a patient, that will lead to you being held down and forced, or tied to a bed for hours on end…….

     So yes, its true that some hospitals are better than others in terms of sanitary conditions and things like that, but they’re all horrible places designed to strip you of all your rights and all of your dignity. They will take away all the rights that are supposed to be afforded to you as a law-abiding citizen. When you are hospitalized in any kind of inpatient facility, you will have fewer right than criminals in prison, and the staff will be able to treat you and your body however they wish because the laws allow them take complete control of your freedom, your life and yes, even your body.

     If a therapist thinks there is such a thing as a “good psychiatric hospital” or a “good reason” to hospitalize a patient – be warned, from someone who spent all 6 years of her adolescence being shuffled from one place to another, and who was abused equally in both serious shit-holes and “really nice” private hospitals – Those therapists are not safe people to talk to. Dont tell them anything at all. Whatever help you could get from talking to them is not worth the risk of being traumatized by being involuntarily committed, no matter where they would put you. Its only safe to share with therapists who know and acknowledge that psychiatric hospitals are all horrible places where no one should ever be forced to live unless they’ve committed a legit crime that warrants a loss of all rights and freedoms… The forced strip searches alone are enough to traumatize someone forever. How can any sane person think its ok to do that to someone who has committed no crime?? Everyone should have the right to refuse to be stripped and violated….but if youre committed, even to a “nice hospital”, you’ll lose that right too…

     No hospital is safe, and no therapist who would hospitalize you is safe. Stick to therapists who are categorically opposed to involuntarily hospitalizing patients.

     Reply

     • “needtogo,”

       Thank you for your thoughtful and thought-provoking comments. I agree with you that involuntary hospitalization can be devastating and even cruel. But there is something I struggle with about removing the option altogether. What if someone is in a psychotic state of mind, absolutely divorced from reality, doing things that are grossly dangerous to himself or herself or to others, and clearly acting in a way absolutely opposed to what they would want once they were in a different state of mind?

       For example, if a mother with post-partum psychosis is hearing voices telling her that all children are the devil’s army, and the voices command the person to kill her child and any child she sees, and the mother desperately wants to strangle her child and other children, and the antipsychotic medications given on an outpatient basis are not easing her psychosis, would you not agree that the mother should be contained in a safe environment?

       Now, what if the mother is hearing voices saying she herself is the devil and needs to die to save humankind? And what if it’s absolutely clear that, when lucid, this is not what she wants for herself? Should she be “permitted” to kill herself when it is not something that she would ever want for herself once she is out of the psychotic state?

       I don’t have the answers. Intensive home treatment, where professional carers come to the person’s home instead of the person going to the carers’ hospital, is one possibility. But the care would need to be thorough, not just a brief visit once or twice a day, as happens in some places, in order for the person to remain safe. Until that happens, involuntary hospitalization is sometimes needed, in very limited and extreme circumstances.

   • If the person hasnt committed any crimes, then the answer is very clear actually – they’ve done nothing to warrant losing their freedom, so taking it is baseless. Its just cruel and unusual punishment in a situation where there should be no punishment at all, cruel or otherwise, since they’ve committed no crime. A therapists frustration is not a good reason to strip someone of their liberties.

     Bottom line is this – Each hospital runs a little differently, but they all share some common protocols. When you commit a patient, there are certain terrible things that will happen to them no matter where you put them – they will be held prisoner and deprived of things as simple as fresh air. They will be repeatedly stripped naked, through restraint if they refuse the violation, without any probable cause for a search – only because their captors can do whatever they feel like doing…because they’ve had a bad day, because they said so, because it’s tuesday….whatever reason they come up with will do because they know – based on the fact that she’s there – that no one cares about the patient or her rights, so no one will stop them. They will be drugged against their will on a daily basis, with drugs that most of the time do far more harm than good, and if they refuse, they will be strapped down to a bed (even with a calmly-stated refusal – with no agitation at all), and they’ll be told they wont be let up until they agree to allow themselves to be drugged. It becomes nothing more than a power struggle to the staff. If the patient continues to refuse for days, then they will remain restrained for days. . .There’s plenty more, but I think Ive made my point.

     So if you think a person deserves that, then sure, go ahead and throw them away like trash. But if you think a person deserves better than that, then they should never be locked in a place that will do those things to them….There’s no excuse.

     I dont know what this aspect looks like from the therapists side, I assume they have all kinds of justifications they use to make themselves feel less responsible, but from the patient’s side, I can tell you this – The therapist who sends a patient into that situation knowing full well what will be done to them there, is just as responsible for what happens to them as are the people who actually carry out the therapist’s wishes. That is why it is dangerous to speak to a therapist who will even consider involuntary commitment. When you are locked up and both your rights and your person are violated, the therapist is the one who arranged it. Why should anyone feel safe talking to a therapist who would arrange something like that?? If your therapist told you that if you say the wrong thing, she’ll call someone to have them rape you, would you risk telling her anything? I hope not. No one should ever feel safe talking to someone who threatens to have them violated if they say the wrong thing. Its just not safe. Safe people would never even dream of going out of their way to hurt you.

     The truth is that whatever is wrong with someone to start, traumatizing them isnt going to help, and therapists know that. They’re locking someone away in an environment where they know that patient will experience things no one should ever have to experience. They don’t do it to help – they know it will make things worse. Involuntary placement is spiteful and hostile. It doesnt come from a desire to help – it comes from a therapists severely negative feelings toward the patient that makes them want to punish them.

     I am sorry to hear that someone who thought it was a good idea to start a page like this one is also someone who has such deep hatred for people in pain that she would ever, ever consider so deeply traumatizing the very people she claims to want to help. That’s very disappointing to hear. What you wrote up top sounded so caring. It was very misleading…..But its also very common, so i suppose its good for people to see how a therapist’s mind really works. Even if you find a therapist who claims to want to hear everything and help you, most will still turn around and hurt you. They’ll punish you for doing exactly what they asked you to do – what they told you it was safe to do. It was a trap all along…….Traumatizing someone for life just for following your instructions….Forgive me, but that seems wrong. (unless you really have no idea what goes on inside these places when someone is committed…although, that would still seem to suggest that you shouldnt be willing to send anyone there without knowing what youre sending them into)

     I guess Im sort of sorry for being argumentative about this, but Its extraordinarily frustrating to hear anyone trying to justify something that traumatized me so deeply and so completely. To hear anyone say that they think there is ever a justification for the horrors that go on in those places is truly disturbing. I know I didnt deserve it. No one does. It makes me really sad to know that there are so many people out there who think theres even a possibility that I may have deserved one single second of it. Shrinks may have the final say, but it doesnt make them right. Even my current therapist says I never shoud have been locked up, and she knows me and every detail of my situation back then. They were wrong, they were lazy, they were heartless and careless, and Im the one who suffered for what was wrong with them. The things they do to patients in hospitals are never ok. Its been almost 20 years since I was released, and remembering my time there is still part of the reason i ever landed on this site, if that gives you an idea of how long lasting the effects of commitment are. No one deserves that. Ever.

     Reply

   • Your experience is why I won’t seek help. I know they’d lock me up.

     Reply

   • And they have ”72 hour psych holds” in many states, not just Florida. It’s my state too.

     Reply

2. That was actually beautiful.

   What if it feels rational though?

   I don’t have Major Depression anymore so I’m not irrationally suicidal. But I’m having bad thoughts. They torture me regularly. I try to prove them wrong and convince myself that I would never act out on the bad thoughts. But I can’t make them go away. I feel like at some point or another my only options are to either turn myself into jail (which is stupid because I’ve never committed a crime) or end my life. But I chickened out before when I had depression so I doubt I will attempt when I don’t have depression. My psychologist got me to promise to tell if the suicidal thoughts came back but I don’t know if this counts or not. They seem rational this time. My reasons for dying is to protect people because there is a chance I am dangerous and I don’t want to be dangerous. I’m waiting for a bit though just to figure all of this out before I do anything.

   Has anyone had experience STOPPING bad thoughts? If I could just stop the bad thoughts I wouldn’t be afraid that I’m dangerous and then I wouldn’t need to end my life (or go to jail).

   Did anyone ever tell their therapist they were suicidal? What happened? Did you regret it later?

   Reply

   • Can someone please reply?

     I need these thoughts to be over. Please tell me how to stop them. I’m running out of options. Or if no one can tell me how to stop the thoughts can someone at least tell me how to bring up unspeakable things to my psychologist? These thoughts are too horrific to verbalize. Can you get arrested and be put in solitary (without a trial) if you ask? I’d be afraid to go to jail but I would rather go there than be a danger to anyone. But I’m not brave enough to go to jail which is making feel feel even more evil. I’m not sure what to do.

     Reply

     • Hello Anon,

       I’m sorry your thoughts are tormenting you in this way. It sounds terribly painful. Although I don’t provide counseling on this site, I have a few pieces of general advice:

       Please tell your psychologist what you are thinking. He or she cannot help you otherwise. From what you’ve written, it’s not entirely clear if your thoughts are about taking your own life, doing harm to others, or something else. It sounds like you fear you are dangerous. And you don’t want to be. It sounds like you really want help. Let your psychologist help you.

       In your first comment you wrote, “Has anyone had experience STOPPING bad thoughts? If I could just stop the bad thoughts I wouldn’t be afraid….” Please know that there is significant research that shows that trying to stop (or suppress) thoughts tends to make them even stronger. (See, for example, Wenzlaff and Wegner, 2000.) Instead of trying to stop bad thoughts, it’s usually more fruitful to learn to observe thoughts and accept them for what they are: not facts, not commands, not imperatives, but thoughts. Just thoughts, not actions.

       This is, of course, easier said than done, because our thoughts can feel quite real and powerful. That is why I recommend you share with your psychologist what you are dealing with. If you are worried about hospitalization, talk with your therapist about the circumstances in which he or she would view hospitalization to be necessary, so that you can have an understanding of how what you say might affect you. Please also keep in mind that many people who have been hospitalized found the experience to be helpful, even life-saving, though of course there are also many people who have found hospitalization to be unhelpful and traumatic.

       Although I do not recommend relying solely on self-help in the context of dangerous impulses (whether toward yourself or others), here are some resources that might be a helpful supplement to the work you do with your psychologist:

       Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life. This book, by the psychologist Steven Hayes, incorporates principles of acceptance and commitment therapy to help people observe and accept their thoughts without trying to stop, change, or suppress them. The thoughts might not change, but people’s relationship with, and reactions to, their thoughts do change, and this enables a more fulfilling, committed life.

       Eleanor Longden’s Ted Talk, The Voices in My Head. Although Eleanor Longden’s Ted Talk focuses on her experiences with auditory hallucinations, her words of wisdom are applicable to anybody who experiences intrusive thoughts, with or without hallucinations. She talks about the need to stop fighting the thoughts (or voices, which really are a variant of thoughts), to listen to them, and to receive what they are trying to show you.

       The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). This hotline is available 24 hours a day, every day. They are a good place to call between therapy appointments. I also have listed other resources for help with suicidal thoughts at speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.

       Good luck to you, Anon. I wish for you the peace, healing, and support you seek.

   • Thank you Stacy. I really appreciate your advice.

     To clarify, I am having bad thoughts/impulses about doing bad things to innocent people (including family members that I love very dearly). I don’t want these thoughts/impulses and I try to do everything possible to ensure I won’t act on them. But these thoughts and impulses are so gross/powerful/evil that I am terrified that I will act on them and that is making me want to die. I would rather die in order to prevent my loved ones (and other innocents) from being traumatized (by me) than to live and see them hurt. It’s just so horrible. Plus, now I’m afraid that I actually like these gross bad thoughts and that makes me feel even worse. I don’t think I can just accept these thoughts. They are actually so evil! I’d be afraid that if I accept these thoughts and stop fighting them than I would be one step closer to acting on them. (That’s not a risk I can take especially when the safety of my loved ones is at stake.)

     I would like to tell my psychologist. (She actually asked me if I had any “distressing images, impulses or thoughts that kept entering my mind” on the first session. When I started crying she tried to help me feel safe talking about them but I just couldn’t.) They are so horrible and I don’t think I can say them out-loud. But she seems like she would understand though.

     I know what her involuntary hospitalization policy is. She explained it in the first session. I don’t think I’m suicidal enough to be sent there yet. But I’m still kind of afraid to bring up the bad thoughts because they are making me suicidal and I don’t want her to stop me if I do end up going through with it. At the same time I also really trust her and we have done good work together so far. So I do want to stay alive and keep working with her. If she asks the right questions I wouldn’t lie to her. I think I will try to tell her. She is trustworthy and hard to shock so it will probably be okay if I tell her.

     Thank you so much for your comment! You have been very helpful.

     Reply

3. Effy…I am so sorry of how you are feeling and were treated by these ‘professionals’…I too have gone twice to two different ‘professionals’ one time to each. Both were AWFUL experiences, so I totally understand how you feel in regard to seeking ‘professional’ help. I have several autoimmune diseases that cause me severe pain 24/7 and 2 meds I am taking are opiods, given by prescription by a Pain Management doctor. The first thing both ‘professionals’ wanted to do was to get me off the opiates immediately, they acted like I was a drug addict from minute one! I take my meds as prescribed, they don’t get me high, they just take the edge off the pain. I was not there to speak to them in regard to the treatment I am currently receiving medication wise. I was there to speak to them in regard to my mental state and how to deal with the complete and total changes in my life due to the illnesses I am battling. Neither were compassionate or wanted to speak to me in regard to why I was really there. Because of how I am feeling physically and mentally I am giving it one more try actually with my husband to go see a therapist to see if it helps but the minute she starts the same way the others did I’m out of there. I really thought as you and many others that they were there to HELP you NOT to judge you, to listen and to give you valuable ways to feel better mentally. Technically, I am paying for a ‘service’, and in other areas of life if the service sucked, you can get a refund! I’m not saying that if the service doesn’t work, that they’ve really done everything possible on their end to try in a non-judgemental, caring way to help you and it doesn’t work despite their true best efforts, that’s a different story. However, I have never seen the side of a therapist such as this. It’s all about how much money you pay and don’t forget when you’re 45 minutes are over, you’re 45 minutes are over period! Whoever the therapist is that wrote that letter it sounds very well-intentioned but I know for myself ,people like yourself and many others who are not treated kindly as people. I have been ill for 5+ years and have seen SO many doctors and the great majority of them could really care less about the person and so much more about whether you have health insurance and which one you have! I was recommended to a rheumatologist by my family doctor who claimed he is the best in his field in my area she herself has gone to him. When I called to make an appointment at the time I did not have insurance instead of being able to work out a payment plan with me of some kind the only way that I could see him is to come with $500 for an initial consultation to see if he is even willing to take you on as a patient at all! Seriously WTF! My illnesses have now made it impossible for me to work and at the time of no insurance it was a choice between care from the doctor or paying essential bills so I chose to just continue to stick it out for an undetermined amount of time, as I had been. I have yet to find a doctor who actually cares more about their patients than they do about making sure that they get paid all they possibly can for their ‘service’. Yes they should get paid but they’ve also taken an oath to help the sick and it seems like in today’s day and age those types of doctors don’t exist anymore. It’s all about you being able to help them make their next car payment for their brand new BMW!
   I am sorry I am venting, I do not mean to change the main subject of you and your issues, I just want you and others who were going through similar issues to know that they are definitely not alone in how they feel or what they are going thru.
   I wish you the very best and really, truly hope you do receive the help you need. Please don’t give up, there are people out there who can completely identify with how you feel and what you are going thru. You may not be seeking help for the same reasons, but you are trying, which is better than doing nothing at all. You are valuable, and worth someone to help you in a respectable and kind manner! Please don’t give up.
   XOXO

   Reply

4. I had a therapist…through the NHS, so I was allowed a whole 6 sessions, no more. She spent 3 sessions telling me to find another job as if it was so easy to do and as if that would change my entire worldview.

   I didn’t see the point in wasting another 3 sessions.

   I tried to find another…and I saw a very nice advertisement on facebook by a local counsellor….I asked one question and she ignored me…then was rude and hostile and blocked me. Professionals don’t even want to help me.

   I genuinely don’t want to die…I know what good things there are in life…but I also know that the bad things far outweigh them. I know that these bad things won’t change by me just simply holding on to life. I know that the one way to make it all stop is to just be gone.
   So it hurts so much to TRY to get help, to TRY and find someone who will help you and have them turn away from you.

   I knew I didn’t matter to the people I know, but I thought a professional who I’d be PAYING might at least give me a chance.

   No chance. No second chances.

   Spent 28 years wasting everyone’s time trying to get this life anywhere near on track and it’s been long enough.

   This poem is nice. I’m sure the therapist behind the words is nice. I’m sure others are regularly helped by its words and by its author.

   And it hurts to want it to mean something….and it just doesn’t.

   Reply

   • Good morning Effy-
     Hope today gave you the courage to see the Sunrise with Us.
     Yeah, me too….That’s as much Super Sweet as I can handle too.
     I’m on your/my partner’s side-of-the-fence now too.
     When He Completed, I almost sympathized with his decision: I saw, now feel from my own experiences of a_shole therapists how hopelessness feels: I always thought people in Mental Health must really care, but see different now.
     I’m not gonna use any fluffy, make-you-sick words, ’cause I don’t believe them either. But I hope you’re still here with us, for you.

     Reply

   • I can relate

     Reply

   • Hello again Effy, It’s K: I hope, somehow, anyhow, your Easter was nice. We don’t know each other, but still hoping you’re doing the best possible. I wish I could’ve been enough for my partner to live…worst heartbreak/pain ever.
     Good thoughts and prayers for your strength and courage to fight.

     Reply

5. What a lovely letter! I have battled depression for more than 2 years and I found a lot of help from my psychiatrist and psychologist. However recently I am experiencing a relapse and I feel really suicidal. I even have a detailed suicide plan and I have the urge to carry it out in the near future. I have a lot to live for- my 3 young kids, a loving husband, a good job, a nice house…. but I still feel the urge to end my life.

   I am scared to speak up about my true suicidal feelings now, because I am afraid that if I tell my psy that I am strongly suicidal, he would admit me to hospital. I prefer to die rather than go to hospital because the stigma of hospitalisation at this stage in my life would ruin me anyway.

   Reply

   • Recently my niece had a termination as her baby’s brain wasn’t developing, my dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and my mam is relying on me more and more. I have BPD and can’t cope. In addition my ex has reported me to the Dept of Work & Pensions for suspected fraud as he recently wanted his share of the equity out of the ‘marital’ home where I still live. He thinks that as I was able to provide him with such a large sum of money, I shouldn’t be claiming benefits. I have done nothing wrong. I was given the money in a private arrangement (I wouldn’t qualify for a mortgage) and have made an inclusion in my Will that this money will be repaid when the house is eventually sold. Because of my BPD and acute anxiety I am dreading the appointment next week where an investigator will be coming and asking me loads of questions. I am feeling like self harming and overdosing. I feel suicidal. I am aware that I am in danger at the minute. I actually want to be admitted to the local psychiatric hospital. But I can’t get the help I need. Because I was diagnosed with BPD by a psychiatrist (12+ years ago), I don’t get to see another psychiatrist as their job is to make a diagnosis and let the local mental health team know what meds to give me. As I have attended a DBT course, the recommended treatment as recommended by National Institute of Clinical Excellence (NICE), the mental health team say they have carried out all their responsibilities and have referred me to the care of my local GP. She is aware of my feelings and thoughts but she is limited to issuing repeat prescriptions for my meds! Because I am aware of my thoughts and feelings I am not considered at risk, even though I know I am. Even writing this I am considering overdosing. Why can’t I get the help I am asking for? In the Uk the medics are all for ‘care within the community’ rather than hospital admittance, but I am not receiving the care I need. I feel as though in order to get the care I need I would have to overdose and then call for an ambulance so that I could be assessed, but this is manipulation and I know the medics would see it as this and again refuse to admit me. It seems in some countries medics are quick to make psychiatric admissions even to patients who don’t want to be admitted but here (UK) I am having the opposite trouble. I KNOW I am in a dangerous place. I KNOW I need help. But I aren’t getting any. I actually feel like committing suicide and leaving a note saying I asked for help but didn’t receive any, just to highlight this situation.
     I am virtually begging for help. Why won’t anyone help me before it is too late. My mood is getting worse. I feel nobody cares about me. I feel I have no worth. And the medics seem to be reinforcing this way of thought. I really feel I am reaching the end of the line, I have no alternative.

     Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.