“If only I could go to sleep forever.”
“I want to die.”
“I wish I’d never been born.”
Do you ever have thoughts like these, and you do not want to kill yourself? Many people do. They want their life to end, but they don’t want to end their life.
If you’re one of those people, you probably don’t think of yourself as suicidal. It might surprise you to know that, in clinical parlance, such thoughts are considered to be “passive” suicidal ideation.
What is Suicidality?
Technically speaking, the term “passive suicidal thoughts” is an oxymoron. The very meaning of suicide is the intentional act of killing oneself. How can someone be suicidal if they don’t want to die by suicide?
That’s where “passive” comes in. People with passive suicidal thoughts don’t want to do anything to make themselves die. They wish it would just happen.
Suicidality – that is, suicidal thoughts or behavior – exists on a spectrum. At one end are people who wish they weren’t alive anymore but also don’t think of suicide. At the other end of the spectrum are people with extremely high intent to end their life now, or maybe they’ve even just made a suicide attempt.
At points in between are different gradations of suicidality. Some people think of killing themselves but quickly reject the idea. Some want to die by suicide and make a plan but don’t intend to carry it out. Some want, plan, and intend to die by suicide but not any time soon. Those are just a few possibilities.
The Dangers of Passive Suicidal Thoughts
Research indicates that people with passive vs. active suicidal thoughts are at equal risk for attempting suicide. We don’t know why, but it’s reasonable to hypothesize that passive suicidal thoughts can swiftly change from “I want to be dead” to “I want to kill myself.”
It’s also possible (though this hasn’t been researched specifically) that risk factors for passive suicidal thoughts are similar to risk factors for suicide itself. These risk factors might include mental or physical pain, hopelessness, illness, stress, loss, trauma, poverty, unemployment, relationship problems, isolation, substance abuse or addiction, sleep disturbance, and more.
In short, people who wish they were dead share something important with people who want to kill themselves: Both groups want their pain or problems to end.
Passive suicidality can lead people to put themselves in danger. For example, they might not wear a seatbelt or drive carefully. They might use too many drugs or drink too much or pick fights with strangers. They’re not trying to kill themselves (at least, not consciously), but they also don’t care if they get killed.
So, if you have passive suicidal thoughts, please take good care of yourself. You may be at higher risk than average for death. I realize that if you want to die, you might welcome such news. But please, recognize the wish for death as a symptom of something in your life, or inside of you, that needs healing. Healing, not killing.
How to Get Help
Please, talk with somebody about how you’re feeling. Sharing your thoughts with a trusted friend, family member, teacher, doctor, minister or other person (or people) serves two purposes: One, they can try to help you. Two, you may not feel so alone.
The resources that I list here are available to all people in distress, whether or not they think explicitly of suicide: hotlines, crisis text lines, online chat, and more.
Therapy can address why you want to die, and how to feel better. If therapy is out of reach for you financially, take a look at the post, “12 Ways to Get Therapy if You Can’t Afford It.” You also might want to see a doctor to make sure there’s no physical condition, like depression or a thyroid problem, that’s triggering thoughts of death.
A safety plan is helpful, too, in case your desire for death morphs into fantasizing about, or making plans to, kill yourself. A safety plan lays out the steps you can take to cope, get help, and stay safe if suicidal thoughts put you in danger. You can find a form for completing a safety plan here.
People who want to be dead often feel hopeless. Consider filling up a hope box (physical or virtual) with reminders of the people, places, hopes, and possibilities that make life worth living.
In any case, I hope you will get help. Even if you don’t want to take action to end your life, the important thing is that you’re hurting or otherwise unhappy. There are many things you can try to feel better, heal, and actually like being alive.
Copyright 2020 by Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW. Written for SpeakingOfSuicide.. All Rights Reserved.
I don’t fear death. I look forward to it And I am ready to go I want to the faster out of life the happier I will be I know where I am going do it I how iam and I know when When iam
Finally at peace I will feel better
To die is a right! I have that right if I am not hurting anybody else
This week even today has been very
Crappy for me this is the week and now is today I lost the most important person in my life my grandmother To cancer I miss the morning phone chats the emails the texts Going to see her And now I just want to be with her every night I call for the grim reaper but he does not come
I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you were lucky to have each other. Though it is very sad and hard to deal with it does help to remind yourself of the happy times you had togetner. They may not be there now but you have the memories of them and how you enjoyed the,
I can relate to this, wanting to sleep my life away is a constant battle. It gets to the point of not wanting to leave my room especially my bed. One day it got so bad that I couldn’t lay down on anything except my floor next to my bed. My thoughts and physical pain was that bad to the point I didn’t want to move at all. I don’t know why I get this way but I assume it has something to do with sensitivity to certain smells and sensations. I can admit I’m an animal, and if someone sprays perfume in the same room as me. I get in my head and I want to flip out on that person. I have no idea why people around me can’t respect my personal space. To be honest I would rather be by myself, even if it’s in a dark and depressing room for persons with disabilities. Been diagnosed Bipolar 1, Borderline Personality, and Anxiety Disorder. I know I have PTSD in there somewhere but I just can’t handle being around a large or small crowd. My lashing out is under control but until I have my own living space who knows what could happen. The human mind is an unexplained scenario. Can you help me with this problem I have, or should I just go live in a tent in a woods somewhere.?
I Want to go to sleep and never ever wake up again.
Being alive has been nothing but suffering for decades!
No amount of prayer has helped and same for all doctors visits.
Why be alive when it’s only constant suffering??!!
Someone please pray and ask God to let me never wake up again asap. Maybe God will hear your prayers and let my heart’s desire come true tonight!! He’s not listening to my cries and pleas and I can’t bear the suffering no more.
I have been begging God to let me die also. I don’t believe there is a God anymore because why would he allow us to suffer so much? Prayers are just a total waste. Those prayers go NOWHERE.
Susie,
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of pain and disappointment right now. That’s so painful. I’m not able to provide counseling through this website, but I hope you’ll seek support from people who can talk with you directly. Please consider reaching out to a crisis or support service that I list here: http://www.SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
Thank you for sharing. I hope you’re able to connect with someone soon who can support you.
I want to die. I don’t want to wake up. Some say “it will get better”but it doesn’t. I don’t look forward to anything. I cancel everything I plan bc why? Why keep showing up, when you’re worker the punching bag or the pocket book. Either way still getting used.