“If someone’s life is so awful that they want to die by suicide, why stop them?”
I am frequently asked some variation of this question, even by mental health professionals. Once, a therapist told me about a client of hers with schizophrenia. “He is miserable, and he will always have schizophrenia. I think letting him kill himself is humane.”
I am passionate about suicide prevention. My stance often draws the ire of people who think that people should have the right to end their own life without interference by well-meaning others.
To my mind, there are many reasons to stop someone from suicide. (I am not, by the way, including “death with dignity” or “hastened death.” That’s grist for another discussion.)
Before going into those reasons, I want to make clear that I don’t take intervention lightly. I don’t call the police if someone discloses suicidal thoughts. I don’t think people should be involuntarily committed to a hospital except in the most extreme circumstances, like if someone has a gun in their car and tells me they are going to shoot themselves when they leave my office, without any desire or will to come up with an alternative. I consider myself to be a therapist who doesn’t panic about suicide.
Why Prevent Suicide?
Except in very limited circumstances, such as states where physician-assisted death is legal for people with terminal illness, I believe that therapists should never give up helping a suicidal person to stay alive.
The most important reason to prevent suicide is that suicidal crises, though formidable and painful, almost always are temporary. Even if the person continues thinking about suicide, the intense suicidal intent usually subsides. Consider that 90% of people who survive a suicide attempt do not go on to die by suicide. That number is very revealing. Even among people who wanted to die so strongly that they tried to end their life, most ultimately chose to live.
As long as a person is alive, things can change for the better. Situations change. Even if their external situation is unchangeable, they may discover things that make their life worth living. There is always the possibility that they may find ways to cope. Or they may come to appreciate different things in life. They may even find a purpose in life that gives their loss or trauma meaning.
Kevin Hines is a suicide prevention advocate who, years ago, jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge, the site in the U.S. with the most suicides every year. Death is almost certain when one jumps from the bridge. More than 1,500 people are known to have jumped to their death, and only 30 or so are known to have survived. So when Kevin jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge, he was absolutely intent on dying. And yet, even with that intention, the moment he jumped off the bridge, he instantly regretted his decision.
His experience is one of many (including my own story) that illustrates that the wish to die is fluid. It comes and goes to varying degrees. A great many people who are saved from suicide are thankful, sooner or later, to be alive.
Is Suicide Rational?
Another important reason to prevent suicide is because, proponents of rational suicide notwithstanding, suicide is often irrational.
Some research indicates that 90% of people who die by suicide had a diagnosable mental illness at the time of their death (though more recently, some evidence indicates that not as many people who die by suicide have a mental illness diagnosis).
Mental illness distorts thinking. What is bad can seem good, and vice versa. Often, very often, when a person’s mental health improves, the wish to die goes away.
Some people contest the high estimates of mental illness in suicide. Even if we presume the 90% figure is correct, not everyone who dies by suicide has a mental illness. Other things besides mental illness can also distort one’s thinking, such as substance use, sleep deprivation, and trauma.
When people address these issues, they often join the legions who seriously considered suicide or made an attempt, and who many years later live to tell about it.
Revised on May 30, 2017, this post was originally titled “‘If Someone’s Life is So Awful that They Want to Die, Why Stop Them?'”
© Copyright 2013 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW. All rights Reserved. Written For: Speaking of Suicide. Photos purchased from Fotolia.com
Is suicide prevention selfish
yes
But, isn’t suicide non-prevention callous?
Isn’t it selfless to save a person from drowning?
If a suicidal person simply needed to be debt free, is it selfish to pay off their debt so they feel like living again?
The answer to the question depends on the situation.
Such as, in what situation would suicide prevention be selfish?
If someone sold their house so a suicidal person’s debts were paid off (if that were the ONLY trigger for being suicidal) that’s a selfless thing to do especially if the non-suicidal person really likes that house.
I suppose it’d be especially selfless if the person liked their house more than they do people – but did it anyway to get a person out of debt so they no longer felt suicidal.
I attribute the lack of repeat attempts to a fear of another failure. If people did not have to resort to amateurish uncertain and inhumane methods and were confirmed in their right to die at whatever time they choose then we’d see a lot more suicides. I would judge that as a boon for they would have escaped an exploitative world where they obviously weren’t happy. Are you actually helping them to live fulfilled lives? Or just keeping them from dying? It appears to me that most people spend their lives in survival mode barely able to pursue any intrinsic aspiration. Pushed and pulled by parents then church then community then schools then employers. It’s often hardly worth the trouble and death in inevitable. What’s keeping a good portion alive is simply the blind fear of death (survival instinct). If you want to intervene on behalf of human dignity then pursue the right to die with professional assistance as vociferously as your interventions to ensure failing people live. My philosophy is we own ourselves. Neither you nor our families nor any member of society nor God himself has a right to enslave a person to live for the convenience of others. If lives are made so bitter that many opt-out then our societies might pursue ensuring lives are worth living. Of course that won’t happen. Slavery is, after all, the most natural economic model and selfish motives are the rule.
Such an eloquent description
Dying is better than living in a selfish rude world.
I actually regret not doing 5 years ago so I find “life will get better” to be a farce.
i hope your situation has improved. However I feel EVERY PART of htis!
I think if you want to die you should be able to. Who is anyone to tell you that you should live….when you don’t want to.
I think that if my body, my life, is mine and mine alone, I can do as I choose.