Untold thousands, maybe even millions, of people embraced Amy Bleuel’s symbol of passionate resistance against suicide: a simple semicolon. Tattoos, jewelry, and art feature the period floating above a comma, not for punctuation, but for an expression of hope.
That delicate punctuation mark, Amy would tell people, meant that the writer still had more to say. And the same is true for suicidal people: “Your story isn’t over.”
Yet Amy’s story ended last week, at the age of 31. She died by suicide. My heart breaks for her and her loved ones. It also breaks for the many strangers whose lives she touched.
Once, she wrote in the mission statement for her organization Project Semicolon, “The vision is that people see the value in their story…The vision is that suicide is no longer an option to be considered…The vision is hope, and hope is alive….”
How do we reconcile those words when the writer not only considered suicide, but died by it?
Amy’s message was made all the more powerful by what she had overcome. Her father died by suicide when she was 18. It was only one of many traumas that she faced in her life, including physical and sexual abuse as a child, and multiple rapes in college. She had attempted suicide five times.
Still, she had said, “The vision is that suicide is no longer an option to be considered…The vision is hope, and hope is alive….”
The vision. Tragically, it was only a vision, a hope, a longing for her – as it is for so many others. Not a reality.
What Now?
I am afraid. I worry that, for some, Amy’s suicide will diminish the power of her message, that the legions who believed in her will now feel deflated, defeated, and perhaps even more suicidal.
Several years ago, a psychotherapist, Bob Bergeron, wrote a book titled, The Right Side of 40: The Complete Guide to Happiness for Gay Men at Midlife and Beyond. It was a feel-good book, extolling the possibilities for happiness and growth even after the vibrancy of youth has faded.
Shortly before the book was supposed to go on sale, the author killed himself. He wrote a suicide note on the book’s title page. “It’s a lie …” he wrote, with an arrow pointing to the name of the book.
The book was never published. I imagine the publisher pulled it because the author lost credibility. If someone writes a guide to happiness and then dies by suicide, can the guide be trusted?
This question torments me. Does Amy Bleuel’s death cancel out the wisdom, solace, and inspiration that she imparted to so many?
The answer is NO.
Life is not all-or-nothing. Amy’s suicide does not cancel out all the inspirational and true things she said against suicide. Her death does not erase her tremendous wisdom. It does not taint the countless lives she touched.
If anything, her death makes her work all the more important. It shows the power of suicide – and the need to fight it. Nobody is immune, not even people who know so well that their story isn’t over.
If you’re suicidal, get help. Reach out. Talk to others. Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. Or check out the Resources page to learn of many other places where you can get help by phone, email, text, or online chat.
That’s the real message. Don’t be alone with your suicidal thoughts. Dese’Rae Lynn Stage, who is active in suicide prevention and created the website Live Through This, puts it especially well in her Facebook post about Amy. She writes:
“We lost a powerful advocate in Amy, and I know the rest of us who do this work are really feeling that loss today. If you’re one of these people, please don’t lose sight of yourself in the work. We need you—and we need you thriving, not just surviving—so that when you hold your breath and you dive deep, you pull two people ashore: yourself and the person you worked so hard to save. And then you send up a flare to let the rescue boat know where you are, and you wait and you rest and you breathe.”
The takeaway, then, is that Amy’s death brings even more meaning to her work, not less. It shows all the more that people need to fight hopelessness and despair, that people need to take care of themselves and each other, so that fewer people finish their story prematurely.
The message remains true, the message remains important, even though suicide took the messenger.
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Copyright 2017 Stacey Freedenthal. Written for Speaking of Suicide. All Rights Reserved.
Yes. Her words are still true. More so than any others as she understands the issues. Suicide should not call your work into question. It is apart from that internal discussion.
Jo,
I like how you put that: the work that Amy did was “apart from that internal discussion.”
The reality is, Amy knew better than most people how powerful suicidal urges are and the damage that suicide can wreak. Her death, and the outpouring of private and public grief that has followed, are a testament to those truths.
Along the same lines, someone with brain cancer has a special expertise in the experience of brain cancer. And when that person dies of brain cancer, it does not diminish the person’s expertise, experience, or wisdom in saying that we desperately and fervently need to tackle this deadly problem.
Stacey, thank you for the work that you do.
It matters.
I missed hearing about Amy Bleuel’s death but do remember hearing about Bob Bergeron’s.
It saddens me that the world has lost these two bright lights and their hard-won wisdom.
I appreciate you addressing the question that many in the fields of mental health and suicide intervention ask – not because it’s a question that anyone should even have to consider because, of course, they shouldn’t.
The only reason it’s a question at all is because of the stigma and shade that is cast upon those in this society who must consider suicide at all.
The extent to which credibility is called into question due to an individual considering / attempting suicide is simply a reflection of the work that we still have to do to eradicate that stigma.
Thank you, Tamara, both for your kind words and for your insightful reflections.
I agree with you about the stigma. There is still so much work to do!
Preventing someone from taking their own life is very hard. My sister killed herself because she thought she could never get off of drugs. She was admitted 3 different times but never of her own volition. It’s not going to work until you can really make them think they can kick it!!!!
Anonymous,
I’m so sorry about the loss of your sister. I’m actually in the process of writing a post about how illogical it is to say that suicide is always preventable. Sometimes, friends, family, and professionals do everything in their power, and still a person dies. I wish it weren’t so.
I hope you will check out the resources for people who have lost a loved one to suicide.
I am a survivor of myself had it not been for another person I wouldn’t be here life is still tough because of my choices but I know what it’s like to actually want to die please don’t we all have a purpose here on this earth a purpose we ultimately don’t have a say in but whatever purpose is better than wanting to kill yourself obsessing with suicide
Hi, James. Just now seeing your comment. Not sure why I couldn’t see comments when I dropped in a few days ago. Just wanted to say it’s good to hear from a survivor that you know that there’s a purpose for you to be here. Life is tough sometimes because of our choices or sometimes just because of circumstances that are beyond our control. Either way, what I know is that those awful places we sometimes visit are not permanent and that each of us matters and can make a difference in the lives of others on this planet. Your words make a difference. Thank you.
Is anyone immune from suicide? My heart is full of gratitude for Amy. How hard it must be to be a heroine to so many- adding a weight to her own daily living struggle. I will celebrate her life as she would celebrate mine.
MaryBeth,
Amy’s death reminds us that, no, sadly no one is immune from suicide. I’ve read of other suicide prevention advocates who die by suicide, as well as many people who to those around them seemed content and well. The scary thing is that suicidal urges can come to anyone (whether they admit this or not), and it makes it all the more important that we as a society learn to talk more comfortably about suicide so that we can ask people how they are, and really want to hear the answer.