Many people desperately wish to stop their suicidal thoughts. Often, this is possible. You might be able to eliminate suicidal thoughts by healing the depression, stress, hopelessness, self-hatred or whatever forces underlie them.
Yet it might take a while to stop thinking of suicide. For some people, suicidal thoughts just do not stop, or they keep revisiting uninvited whenever bad moods come, no matter how much healing has occurred during good moods.
Fundamentally, we cannot control what thoughts come to us. We can only control how we react to them.
How Do You React to Suicidal Thoughts?
Do you react as though your suicidal thoughts are truth? Because they tell you that you should die, do you believe that you should die?
Do you react as though your suicidal thoughts are a symptom, and nothing else? Because you think of suicide, do you take this as a call to tend to whatever wound creates the thoughts?
I have already written about other ways to react to suicidal thoughts, as well. You can talk back to them, playing the role of defense attorney against the prosecutor in your head calling for the death penalty (as described by David Burns, M.D., in his book Feeling Good).
You can observe your suicidal thoughts mindfully, watching as they pass through your head without feeding them or giving into them.
Another way to react to suicidal thoughts is to soothe yourself by telling yourself what you might tell a close friend or relative in the same situation. Only, this time, you are being a friend to yourself. This coping technique calls for what therapists call “coping statements.”
What Are Coping Statements for Suicidal Thoughts?
A coping statement is whatever you can tell yourself that will help you to pass safely through the minefield of suicidal thoughts. Examples include:
This will pass.
That is my depression talking, not me.
I will get through this.
Just because my thoughts tell me to kill myself doesn’t mean I really should.
I don’t really want to die, I just want the pain to end.
There are other ways to end my pain, even if I can’t see them right now.
My suicidal thoughts are not rational.
Suicidal thoughts are a symptom, not a solution.
Using Coping Statements for Suicidal Thoughts
There is no limit to the possible coping statements out there. Some websites feature long lists of coping statements, such as this mental health website . You can also find coping statements geared to specific problems, such as anxiety.
The key to using coping statements effectively is to keep repeating them to yourself (silently or not), like a mantra. Some people write their coping statements on sticky notes and leave them on mirrors and doors where they live. Others create “coping cards” with one coping statement or a whole list, and carry them in their wallet.
Repeatedly seeing, saying, or thinking your coping statements will provide a good counterpoint to suicide’s grim yet seductive messages. It also will gradually train your mind to take a more realistic path.
A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Tool
“What you think, you become,” is a powerful statement often misattributed to the Buddha but no less true, regardless of who said it.
Cognitive behavioral therapy operates under the same premise: If you tell yourself the worst will happen, then you will feel anxious and depressed. Tell yourself different things, and you will feel differently. These ideas reinforce the value of talking to yourself with kindness and with intentions to soothe yourself.
Beware of positive thinking or positive affirmations. If you are grossly unhappy with yourself or your life, telling yourself that you are happy will only further rouse the negative thoughts. “No you’re not happy! That’s ridiculous! You are miserable, and here is why.”
Rather than telling yourself that you are happy when you actually are miserable or that your life is great when it actually feels awful, it is far more helpful to tell yourself something that you really can believe, such as:
I can’t know that I will feel this way forever.
Based on past experiences, my feelings and situation will probably change.
Life is constantly changing.
I am a work in progress.
Unrealistically positive thinking can hurt. Realistic thinking can help, even when reality isn’t so great. But remember to think realistically in both directions — good and bad.
Coming Up With Your Own Coping Statements for Suicidal Thoughts
Although I have thrown out some ideas here, coping statements work best if they really resonate with you. Perhaps some of the coping statements on this page or the websites I provided above do resonate with you. If so, that’s great. If not, try to come up with your own. To do this, ask yourself these questions:
<h3″>What do I really want someone else to tell me right now?
What would I tell someone else right now who wanted to die by suicide for the same reasons that I do?
What would it help me to tell myself?
What would it help me to truly believe?
What Self-Talk Helps You Cope with Suicidal Thoughts?
I invite you to leave a comment describing what coping statements work best for you!
© 2014 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Written for Speaking of Suicide. Photos purchased from Fotolia.com
This helps. Thanks
IN the end you’re talking about money – PAPER . Your life is worth so much more than that. I am there too at the bottom but it certainly won’t change if I were to kill myself. People live in their cars in Walmart parking lots. There are jobs I don’t know your background but the job market it really good! You have a child who will never know you who YOU brought into this world – make his life great – many poor people have the best family lives bc they already know that the secret to happiness is relationships – friends family church etc … give yourself a chance – with death all chances are gone. I have recently been in that dark pace and it’s a like a trick of lighting not allowing you to see things clearly – best of luck for you
Thank you Hannah, your comments have helped me too x
I’ve read a lot about the “surviveability” of suicide. Even a study of some 400 suicide attempts, and how their lives turned out.
What I don’t read is their overall situation . What % of those people were financially ruined (ie dead broke) with no job or no home? Sure if you’ve got someone/s to bail you out after your attempt, yeah you’ve got a reason to live. But what about people like me? I am dead broke, have exhausted both my savings and retirement stash, I am about to have my car repo’d and can’t find a job. Which will turn into the vicious cycle of no job= no money, and no money = no job. Try convincing someone like me that life is worth it. What, I’m supposed to carry on with the HOPE that things MIGHT get better. So in a couple days with no vehicle no money and no job, I’m just supposed to trudge on, because “life is precious” or whatever other placating device people Banty about?
I feel your pain. And ask the same questions.
Here’s my story and why I want to die it all started as a child I had social anxiety and was always nervous. Then at around 10 or so I was molested by a friend of the family then what happened next probably made me even worse when it came to social interaction. In middle school I refused to use public restrooms. I was too afraid too. Then I was tormented daily by a group of girls. Telling me I was nasty that I smelled that I was a fat POS. To the point that I became suicidal. Now at 31 I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety depression and bi polar. I’m now 31 overweight man who has never had a girlfriend or even held a girls hand and about 2 years ago I was diagnosed with MS I’m responsible for two kids aged 9 and 16. Wtf I’m pretty much fucked I want death so bad did I mention I never held a job only once and I was fired before two days? And social security denies I’m disabled I’ve been denied twice already.
[This comment was edited, per the Comments Policy. – SF]
Hi Michael I feel your pain. My name is Carmen, Though my story is somewhat different I would like to talk with you if possible, maybe we can help each other get through some of our depression. I used to be suicidal when I was younger and thought I had kicked it honestly, until recently the thoughts have come back, and a part of me tried to act on it.
Dear michael what an awful predicament you are in. Keep trying with social security it seems to be their policy to automatically reject people the first couple times. Dont think about your past, in a way it doesnt matter in that its done you cant change it, you need to just analyse what you are capable of now, and just accept your limitations, dont judge them, dont judge yourself negatively, you need all your strength now for the future, It is good that you are responsible for children they will make you fight harder. Just give them as much love as you can and help them prepare for what is going to happen to you. And of course you should be pissed off about all this unfair shit happening, do some yelling and screaming, especially about the ms, but then also take care of yourself within these parameters, try to find something you enjoy, join a support group for people with ms, they all feel the way you do, also reach out to social services, churches( even if you arent religious) and dont give up. I hope you can find people to help you with the details things you have to face
It took 2 1/2 years of denials before they found me completely disabled. I get no benefits because I have a roommate and that money counts against the SSI money. So I went though 2 1/2 years of hell, and borrowed over $6,000 so I wouldn’t be homeless during the process, and ending up being found disabled, not able to work, but they pay me nothing. I got $765 in back pay. For 2 1/2 years. The system wants you dead or homeless.
A surgeon botched surgery 10 years ago, when I became ill he kept secret the scan reports which state the damage he has caused, then he told other doctors that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was crazy and an attention seeker. Over ten years, I have been so ill that I have been unable to work and those years have been worse than hell because of the lack of strength I have had which has prevented me from going further afield for help. I have lost everything I own, had my personal papers stolen by someone I rented a room to, so I could pay the rent. I’ve been offered anti-depressant medication hundreds of times , offered psychiatric counselling, been given referrals to pain clinics and so on, but no medical professional will question or doubt the word of a professor and lecturer at one of the major universities. I believe I will soon be dead at any rate, such is the state of my health, however the pain and inability to concentrate, loss of memory and constant headaches are now too much for me to cope with. I can’t continue with the pain, the loss of dignity and loss of my life any longer. I truly wish I was dead